Kamikaze Love: Liberi Fatali Arc
by DiamondDustedSquall
Summary: Seifer knew the moment he was going to die. He kept the smirk there until the very end. What he didn't account for was the tenacity of one Squall Leonhart. Now, Seifer has a reason to survive, if only to prevent Squall from suffering the same fate. SxS
1. What you live

**Kamikaze Love (Liberi Fatali Arc)**

**Chapter One**

_What you live and breathe is why you're dying..._

* * *

Seifer lay there.

The wound had been there long enough to have finally frozen over slightly, nature's own icy form of stitching. Unfortunately, the wound had been there long enough for it to allow passage of Seifer's life blood as it had flowed out of him.  
The teen had long since stopped moving. Not dead, but mercifully close. He blinked now and then, not wanting his eyelids to freeze over. He wanted to see the sky before he died, not the murky darkness it would inevitably fall into.  
He had been chased, and had fallen. They, the cruel hunters, had left him there to die, in the middle of the tundra. They had followed him farther than anyone ever had, into an uninhabitable location, one that he didn't know how he'd gotten to. He had been unable to handle it anymore. He'd collapsed.

That he was still alive was a mockery of a miracle; allowing him to survive long enough to freeze to death.  
His usually intensely coloured eyes had long since dimmed, lacking any spark, or any expression apart from a weary resignation.  
He heard the crunch of soft snow compressed footsteps. He didn't bother to move. Unfortunately, his body would allow him no peace in the time he was so close to death, as it forced ragged coughs from his already spent form. And what a peaceful way to go he thought sarcastically, still able to look at the situation in a rather sardonic manner. He had always been told that a person freezing to death would know that they were close, when they began to feel warm, began to feel sleepy. He was definitely sleepy, but his body remained spitefully cold. He closed his eyes for a moment, losing the energy needed to keep them open.  
A coolness touched his forehead, different in feeling to the bitter clawing of the cold. His view of the sky was momentarily blocked.  
He blinked, and again. The stranger in front of him helped him up. He saw a flash of silver brown, of vivid blue, of white.  
He could see the tree ahead of him, through the gap between the person's neck and shoulder, as the figure began to move, with him on the stranger's back. Seifer noted fuzzily that although the person carrying him was obviously exerting themselves, there was no gentle mist of air signifying the cold from their lips. They were moving for mere minutes, yet Seifer felt he'd been able to sleep for hours in that time, maybe days...

He awoke, stunned at the contrast in colours, yet unable to express himself beyond a cough that may have sounded surprised. When he tested his voice, it seemed non-existent, and only provoked farther rending coughs from his throat.  
He was within warm, brown wooden walls replacing the whiteness of the landscape. He was indoors somewhere. He reached up to feel the area just under his ribcage. The wound was still there; harsh and angry. It stung Seifer spitefully as ripples upon ripples of pain coursed through his body. He had a moment to flinch before the ripples hit him. He gritted his teeth, and vowed not to touch the wound so heavily ever again, as it didn't like to be disturbed. His fingertips were tinged in a light opaque red, another penalty of his carelessness in handling the gash. Another hand wordlessly took his hand in their own, and gently rubbed the blood from the fingers. He looked towards the owner, and saw the stranger. Brown strands of hair hung smoothly down the stranger's face. His eyes were a silver, complimenting the similar shades in his hair. Seifer frowned only slightly. He was sure that it was a stranger. He tried to talk to him, but not even a murmur emerged.  
"You won't have a voice just yet" the stranger's voice danced with silver peals in the air coldly, not in emotional distaste, but literally adding to the cold atmosphere. Seifer shivered as the words seemed to come in contact with his skin. The stranger seemed to catch himself at the slip up, and resumed his task, moving towards the cut on Seifer that gleamed a brilliant red. The colour made him dizzy. It didn't fit in with the colours of the room, of outside.  
Seifer remembered then, the red colour had reminded him; the burning hot pain, his own screams at the intensity. He couldn't handle it, he'd run away. Except the pain had followed him, coursing within his own body, the torrent of molten anguish flooding his body, tainting his blood...  
Seifer blinked again. There was no fire here, no burning, no pain. Only when he touched the wound did it seem to burn.  
The stranger touched the wound, and once again Seifer flinched.  
Except there was no pain, just a numbness that immediately made him feel better. Better enough to sit up. A vivid glow returned to his eyes. If the stranger noticed this, he didn't comment on it.

They had been here for weeks now it seemed. Honestly, Seifer didn't know. The gash was still there however. It wouldn't heal over, and when he touched it, it would bleed and cause an avalanche of pain that he found difficult to dig himself out of.  
Only the touch of the stranger brought him back, stopped the blood. Only a touch was needed, and the red would fade sullenly. The stranger spoke little, but now when he did, it no longer made him shiver like before. The words still joined the iciness that engulfed them outside of the cabin, but they were words that fell softly, like fleeting snowflakes. He had yet to learn the stranger's name, but over time, he had learned a few choice words, even what seemed like formed sentences. It felt like learning to talk again. The stranger had ignored him pointedly when he had asked for his name, so Seifer had taken to calling him Snow. No wonder, he had so little other inspiration around him. It had been a silly nickname, which had stuck.  
They had done things together, calming tranquil things that seemed to make time trickle through their fingers. Seifer began to feel a peace in this place, becoming almost fond of the place. His wound, although still there, had calmed to a grudging spasm of occasional pain that he couldn't quite place. He was happy here with his Snow.  
He didn't remember when he'd started to think of Snow as his. He just was. He tried to fathom why, but for some reason, in this place, he found it impossible to linger on things.

"Snow?"  
"Mm?"  
"Where is this?" Seifer had many questions. He remembered nothing but his name, and a sense of his identity, but even that lay teasingly just beyond his reach. He enjoyed hearing Snow speak. It was always in a deliberate and intentional manner. He never wasted words, and never used them if words weren't needed. The words themselves were beautiful. They hung in the air, in gorgeous winter colours, relaying the emotions behind the floating shapes.

Snow sighed, even to Seifer's muddled mind, it looked silver, forlorn, like he'd come to terms with what was an inevitable conversation.  
"It's...difficult to explain" the usual white words were tinged a blue, with steel marbling. Sadness, and...frustration? Seifer wasn't an expert at reading the emotions that stained the words, but slowly, over time, he was able to read the subtle differences, the different shades that marked different emotive states, some too subtle to be defined with words. It gave him the ability to read the true thoughts behind the sometimes misleading words. Another silver sigh, and then Snow began.  
"This is my world. You don't live in this place usually. I brought you here" The words were deceptively white; a neutral standing, but Seifer could see the subtle shadings of blue trying to camouflage itself as white. Doubt, evasiveness, fear. Snow was trying to hide things from him.  
"What are you trying to hide from me?" Seifer tried again. His words were different to Snow's. They were always translucent, something that troubled him. Were the feelings behind his words that transparent to Snow? Or was it the fact that he didn't belong in this place, this world?  
"Why am I here?"

Silence. then...

"I brought you here to save you." Pure white, with challenging dark silver rope entwining within the letters. Seifer was confused, and apprehensive at the sickening feeling that suddenly occurred within him. When he next spoke, he wasn't sure if he wanted the answer that would marry his next group of questions  
"What did I need to be saved from? Was it those hunters who chased me before? Why would they chase me?" Once Seifer had started, he had been unable to stop, the words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them. The air grew colder at each one, and he found himself flinching once more at the deathly cold words that Snow spoke.  
"Once you know, things won't be the same anymore. You won't be able to stay here any longer" The words were sharp and bitter, so Seifer missed the flash of white-silver hurt that flitted through the darkened steel colour of the words.  
"Snow, I need to know" Finalisation.  
"I brought you here to protect you from yourself. Your mind turned on you, and began to attack you. You caused that wound to yourself, and you're the reason it wouldn't heal" The words no longer gave out colours. They were cold, transparent like his own. He spun round. Snow was in the distance now. How had he gotten so far away? He looked back at Seifer for a moment.  
"It's coming for you again Seifer Almasy"  
Seifer's eyes widened and he collapsed to his knees. He watched the feelings of regret and pain, anguish, burning flood the area, attempting to drown him...

Except that they weren't touching him. They were all battering at the translucent sheet of ice that served to protect him, as he methodically dispelled each memory of his past.  
Garden, Failure, Knight, Edea, Ultimecia, SeeD...  
He felt the feelings and memories surface and rear their heads, only to be impaled with thick spikes of ice, battered with harsh tundra snows.  
He had killed people, killed childhood friends, been manipulated. He could feel each agonising memory attempt to finish him. Yet, more of the snowy wasteland rose up to aid him.  
Hyperion, Fujin, Raijin, the Orphanage, Zell, Rinoa, Selphie, Quistis, Irvine, Matron...  
The blanket of snow spread beyond infinitely.  
He stood suddenly, ignoring the waves of nausea, ignoring the numbed legs, ignoring the soft veil of snow that had settled on his shoulders.  
He was missing someone.  
He saw the blue eyes, the silvery brown haired brunet, the stoic form. The form gazed at him, and collapsed in the snow, an unnatural red blossoming around the now still form. He realised then.  
"Squall" He breathed, before the dark sky above him seemed to engulf him. He'd started running, towards Squall, an attempt to escape the frustrating ending that this had taken, not wanting to leave, needing to help him.  
But he now knew that Squall, his Snow, would have it no other way.  
And he hated him for it.

* * *

Seifer saw fuzzy images above him. Felt the heavy weight of his own body, which had seemed so light before. His body ached. His mind protested for a moment, not wanting to leave the void filled bliss of slumber. It had been simpler there, he hadn't felt tiredness or the weight of being awake for a while. He wasn't sure if he wanted it, but his body fought to awaken.  
"Seifer?" He heard the voice call his name, but it wasn't the right one. He'd only heard one voice for a while now, and he didn't desire the voice that paled harshly in comparison. Blearily, he checked the surrounding area for the words that should have hung physically in the air, for an indication of the voiced person's intentions.  
He shook his head muzzily, which caused a sledgehammer to figuratively hit the side of his head. Okay, so no more head shaking until that didn't hurt.  
"Seifer? Can you hear me?" He recognised the face above him. The kindly Doctor who had always tutted, but had tenderly healed his wounds as he'd grown up in Garden.

Garden...

He sat up quickly, ignoring the drumming pain that this caused. When Kadowaki rushed over to steady him, he held up an arm. He braced for the impact of the inevitable torrent of memories, but was pleasantly surprised by the lack of turmoil that assailed him as he sifted through them like a well worn magazine collection. As he gathered up the parts of his identity, he remembered that there were people in the room.  
"Seifer?" the doctor crumpled into relaxation and relief as he smiled at her in recognition. She was glad to see that the haunted look in his eyes had finally lifted. He had almost gotten to the state of delusion and had begun to attack himself emotionally. He had reacted badly to anyone he'd recognised, and had eventually locked himself in his room. He hadn't gone crazy, but he had lost the sorceress, who had been a constant presence in his mind, and when she had been defeated, the shroud that had separated his actions from his conscience, his duty to his friends and family, had lifted. He had been a wreck.  
And the sight had been more than he could handle.  
At first, he'd tried to ignore it; he'd laughed in the right places, tried to find his place within his family once more. He prided himself for surviving so long.  
But then the nightmares had come, his mind accessing what it was refused during the day. These nightmares left him vulnerable during the day, his studies had slipped.  
Many people thought he'd gone back to being typical Seifer; unwilling to listen to the voice of authority, cocky and arrogant, aloof.  
In reality, he had been desperately fighting a losing battle. He had resorted to slowly pushing away the only people who cared for him, his mind reassuring him that they hated him anyway for what he'd done.  
And still he had kept the smirking mask in place.  
Seifer frowned slightly, the dregs of sleep still weighing him down. The last he'd remembered of his awakened state was the burning, punishing fires of his mind. They followed him wherever he'd gone, even partly to the snowy landscapes...

"Ah, how long have I been here?" He asked the doctor. She was busying herself with routine checks.

"You've been out for about a week. How are you feeling?"  
Seifer shifted slightly as she checked his heartbeat. The metal of the stethoscope was cold, reminding him sharply of his dream.  
Had he dreamed it all? But that didn't explain his current state of mind. It would be a relief, as the idea of Squall seeing such a weakness from him would be too much to bear. At least from all this, he hoped that he had his pride.  
"Well, I'd like to keep you overnight.."  
"Seriously Doc, I'm fine. It was just a slip up, and now I'm fine" She pursed her lips thoughtfully.  
"Well, if I can get a guarantee that you will come in every day for the next week for a check-up, I see no immediate dangers from releasing you now..." She silenced any thanks that he had on his lips with a warning look.  
"However Seifer, if this happens again, come and tell me. DO NOT let issues build up like that. Looking after yourself doesn't just involve the physical aspect of wellbeing. If your psychological side can't cope, it will take a toll on your body. No one wants to see that happen to you"  
Seifer smirked. She didn't even know the half of it. He could personally guarantee that it would happen to him again, even if he tried to prevent it, and that a lot of people would probably be glad. He decided to not mention that to her. She could be very...ferocious when angry.  
"Who knows about me..collapsing?"  
"Only me, and one other. It occurred very late at night"  
That didn't reassure Seifer, who was panicked at the idea that someone, anyone might have seen him in such a vulnerable state. There were only two exceptions, one of them being Kadowaki.  
Kadowaki was different. She had known Seifer from a very young age, listened to him as he cried about stupid things, like how his attempt to impress his friend had ended badly when he had been blamed for an incident that he'd done accidently. He remembered her listening when he proudly told her of his training in the gunblade; another attempt to impress his friend. Over the years, he had gone to see her less and less, and his friend had become his rival.  
"Who is the 'other' who knows, apart from you?" He had a hunch, but he'd been wrong about these things before.  
"Squall. He came here with you slung over his shoulders, struggling quite a bit I might add. He's not built to carry your weight, but he managed it somehow. Had you informed me about your over exertion, he wouldn't have had to, stubborn boy that you are" She looked at him fondly. A lot of people didn't understand the reasons behind his behaviour, but she had offered him the sanctuary of the medical facility in a new terrifying world where orphans were taken from their home and forced into a mercenary's world, trained from a too young age on the different ways to kill a person. All to fulfil a prophecy caused almost unwittingly by Squall. They had all thought it was for the best; build a facility that could take care of any sorceresses when they rise in power, fill it with the only people who could actually confront a sorceress and survive.  
It had been a perfect plan, if you didn't look at the bruised hearts of the young children who had been forced into these roles.  
The senior members of Garden had known that Squall would be the one to lead them onto victory. The other orphans had been his back up, but had taken a back seat to it all. Except that Seifer hadn't liked that. To him, Squall and him had always been equals up until they left the orphanage, and even when they had been moved to Garden, he still strived to continue their friendship in any way possible, even if in rivalry. None of the students had known of Squall's destiny, but somehow, Seifer had sensed he was being pushed into a direction, which he'd struggled against. In doing this, he had distracted Squall. When they tried to move Seifer away from Squall, worrying about a bad influence, he began their duels with one another at night. When they'd switched dorms so that Seifer was no longer influencing Squall outside of watchful class time, he'd sneak into Squall's room and spend the night. Everything they did to keep people away from distracting Squall worked, but not when it came to Seifer.  
Kadowaki shook herself out of her thoughts as Seifer stood, testing his balance.  
"I want to see you here every day Mister. But if there's anything outside of the routine check-ups, please feel free to come back anytime you feel you need to, please." She rested her hand on his arm, Seifer now too tall for her to reach his shoulder. Hyne, they had all grown so much.  
She sighed after Seifer had left in the direction of the dorms, no doubt to bully Squall into not telling anyone that he had collapsed.

* * *

Seifer walked down the corridor, intent on finding Squall as soon as possible. It was about lunch time, so he would either be with the group, or in his dorm.

After the events of the sorceress war, Squall had resigned as Commander, returning to the role of standard SeeD. Many people were displeased with this, but they could do little about it. It was just like Squall to attempt to fade into the background once the dirty work was done. He himself would've stayed in the limelight a little.  
Seifer focused his thoughts away from that alley of thought. He remembered the pull of the sorceress on them both, how the sorceress had forced him to follow her, bargaining with Squall's life. On the outside, the sorceress and he were performing . Within his mind however, she had taunted him, which he had ignored. She had then offered him power, which he'd ignored. She then spied the group, threatening each one of them until she reached Squall. Seifer had seen then that he'd had no choice. He went so Squall wouldn't have to take his place. He'd stayed because he had wanted to help Matron, who was little more than a flitting voice of pleas and apologies to her young child. Finally, when he had finally used enough power to free Matron, he was just too weak and far gone under Ultimecia's powers to resist anything. Seifer stopped. Had Garden known that he would become the Sorceress' Knight? What had made him and Squall so special? Quistis, Zell, Rinoa and Selphie had all been there. Rinoa ended up becoming Ultimecia's host anyway. It didn't make sense.  
Seifer made his way to the cafeteria as he mused over this, thankful that his thoughts were remaining logical and not overwhelming him with guilt and pain.  
That was odd. Seifer narrowed his eyes.

How had that happened? He never thought through things this calmly. Had Squall done something to him, or had that just been a dream? He had his suspicions based on what he and Squall could do, but he'd never seen anything like the snowy landscape before, so he couldn't be entirely sure...  
Upon reaching the cafeteria, he spied Zell, Selphie and Irvine. Squall was not with them. He made his way over. It didn't hurt to ask.  
"Any of you know where Leonhart is?" He asked casually. The group stopped their discussion to look up at him. Zell frowned slightly, before finally answering.  
"What do you want him for?" He asked. Seifer looked amused. Was Dincht trying to protect Squall from him?  
"I don't think Leonhart needs a love-struck Chicken to protect him, I don't think it's any of your damn business, and if you make it your business I'll introduce my fist to your face. Have you seen him or not?" Seifer leered. Seifer had spoken to Zell rarely since they'd moved to Garden. The only things he remembered was Zell's hatred of the nickname he'd given him, and Zell's apparent boy-crush on Squall. He briefly remembered Zell's incessant need to see Squall's 'Gunblade' during the SeeD exam.  
Zell's face reddened slightly, and he made to stand. Selphie placed a hand on his shoulder, as if to restrain him.  
"We haven't seen him today. Maybe he's still in his room?" He had to hand it to Selphie. Out of the whole group, she was still incessantly friendly to him, even after the Sorceress War. He nodded his thanks and made to leave.  
"Seifer, don't start anything with him today, he really hasn't been well this week" Those words made him slow his steps slightly.  
"What's wrong with him?" he asked.  
"Well, he's seemed kinda under the weather, always tired, very sluggish with his movements. Maybe you gave him what you had?"  
Seifer frowned.  
"What do you mean 'what I had'?" Selphie gestured towards him.  
"You know, about a fortnight ago. You were like a zombie" Seifer raised an eyebrow. How had Selphie noticed his condition? He had shied away from people towards the end. What was weirder was that Squall seemed to have the same thing, which was...impossible...  
Images of a snowy world flashed momentarily in front of his eyes. He turned away without another word. His movements increased, finally to a run. After almost knocking over two SeeDs and potentially a cadet, he reached the SeeD dorm rooms.

He pounded on the door.

"Squall!"

There was silence. Seifer entered the code into the door. It buzzed incorrectly and remained shut.  
"Dammit Squall, I know you're in there, don't play games with me. I know you did something, and I want to know what"

More silence.

"Squall, I'm getting in there one way or another. If you won't open it, I'm smashing it down. Failing that, I'll go downstairs, and climb in through the window if I have to"  
After what seemed like an eternity, the lock clicked, and the mechanised door slid open. Squall weary face gave a small, tired smile. Seifer gave him a once over. His hair was dishevelled, and strands hung limply in front of the vivid blue eyes, heightened in their colour by the dark shadows under his eyes. He wore a black t shirt and olive green combat trousers, a far cry from his usual militaristic look.  
"You wouldn't be able to climb up from here" Seifer smiled slightly, momentarily relieved. Squall was still conscious, that was something. He leant on the doorframe as Squall walked back towards the window in his room.  
"Next time, you'll have to try me. Now what's wrong?"  
"I don't know what you mean" Squall denied this in a low tone, but Seifer could read the signs that indicated that Squall was very ill, not just having a lazy day. That was enough for Seifer to pounce on.  
"Squall, what's wrong? It's me here. You don't have to hide things from me"  
Squall spun around angrily. Seifer could once again see the overly-bright blue colour of his eyes that came in few circumstances; when Squall had been crying, when he was overtired, or seriously unwell. All of those were worrying things in Seifer's eyes.  
"Yeah, because you did such a good job of sharing things with me. Why didn't you tell me any of what happened to you?" Seifer was taken aback.  
"What do you mean?" He asked, confused at the question, and wary at such a response. Squall usually only got angry when he was trying to cover up something else. Selphie, in one of her strange 'bond with Seifer' sessions, had told him of Squall's verbal outburst when they had all thought that he had been executed. It had made no sense to the rest of the group when Squall had stormed out. They hadn't even known that the two had been particularly good friends.  
"Squall, tell me what's wrong, I can't fix it if you don't tell me"  
"How can you fix it when you couldn't fix your own issues?" He spat. Seifer had the sense to grab his rising temper and keep calm. Squall was a shrewd opponent, and would use what was necessary to divert attention. In this case, he was relying on Seifer's temper to change the subject.  
"I heard from Kadowaki that you helped me that day"

Squall paused, his face slightly flushed, interrupted in his anger. Seifer had chosen his words carefully, knowing that he couldn't keep up his facade of anger without any fuel from the other side. In the past, Seifer had provided that fuel, even relished the responses, but slowly, he had began to catch onto the technique, noting the same strategy in battle. Squall would become overly aggressive when hiding an injury or weakness, like a cornered animal. Seifer waited a moment,  
"I don't remember much about the actual day, but thanks" He said it casually, as he idly scanned the room, giving the impression that he was being flippant.  
Having been caught in such a vulnerable state, Squall had little time to reinforce his usual emotional defences.  
Seifer waited for a moment, and then sighed inwardly at the lack of response. This was Squall's final defence, and surprisingly, the most effective. Ignore it and maybe it'll go away. Throw in a glare for super effectiveness. A childish defence, but it had always worked on most people, and Squall hadn't needed to change it in eighteen years. If Squall didn't want to talk, people couldn't make him. Unfortunately for Squall, Seifer wasn't most people. That had never worked on Seifer, and it wouldn't now. He knew Squall better than Squall knew himself. He tried a technique that was almost guaranteed to work. No one else knew of this technique.  
He moved towards the brunet, who tensed in unsure expectation. Seifer encircled his arms around the brunet, who stiffened and tried to push him away, to no avail. Seifer simply held him and waited, remembering himself doing the same thing numerous times; at the orphanage, when Squall was unwilling to admit his night fears, when they'd first come to Garden and Squall was afraid of the changes, when Squall had failed his course modules when he was sixteen. Each and every time, Squall had responded in this way, and each and every time, he had submitted.  
Now was no different. Seifer held the brunet as he almost collapsed. Squall kept his face firmly burrowed in the crook of Seifer's shoulder. His slightly trembling body was the only indication that he was crying.

Zell had always been an annoyingly loud cry baby, Selphie had been a squealer, Quistis was a tantrum crier, lots of stamping of feet and screaming. Irvine had copied Selphie, but gotten bored halfway through. Even Seifer himself was an angry crier, usually not realising that he was crying with clenched fists and gritted teeth.  
Squall was different. He was a silent one. The person you never realised was crying. Always had been. Squall was always the person that people thought didn't cry, but that was the way Squall wanted it. Seifer remembered punching Chicken Wuss once for over-bothering Squall, Zell not realising that Squall wasn't just being anti-social curled up on his bed, but was actually crying. Seifer had done it partly out of over-protectiveness of his best friend, partly because Squall didn't like people to know that he was crying.

Seifer hadn't minded that back then, as he always knew, and that was enough for him. Squall had confided his worries and fears to him. After Ellone had left however, Squall had withdrawn, losing trust in everyone. Seifer had worked hard to get Squall back, only to ruin things by abandoning him to follow a Sorceress. He knew he was mostly to blame for this, but still hated how Squall had slowly tried to hide things from him. Him, who knew all of Squall's hiding places and secrets.  
Putting such unpleasant thoughts out of his mind, Seifer eased the slightly shaking brunet onto the bed. True, Squall cried more than people thought, but he wasn't one to fall apart like this for no good reason. He gave Squall a moment to compose himself before voicing his thoughts.  
"What's up Squally boy?" Seifer tried to read Squall's expression, but Squall's hair had grown to that annoying length where he could just about hide his face from view.  
"Why did you hide it all from me? I would've helped you" Squall finally said quietly. Seifer raised an eyebrow. What did he mean?  
"Gonna need a translation for that one Squall. What did I hide from you?"  
"Why didn't you tell someone about your thoughts, and what they were doing to you, even if it wasn't me?" Seifer frowned at this question. How did Squall know about his thoughts and what they were doing to him? He'd had the thoughts that were barbed and razor-like in nature from the moment that the Sorceress had died, and had continued to have them. It was the only time that his memories had caused him to throw up, suffer from raging fevers...  
That was what had felt odd. He hadn't had said thoughts, or the physical strain that came along with it since he'd woken up. In fact, the last time he'd had said thoughts was in his dream, laying among the snow..  
Seifer narrowed his eyes suddenly, putting two and two together. He removed a glove and placed his hand on Squall's forehead. Squall tried to move backwards to avoid the hand, but Seifer grabbed his wrist with his other hand and forced him to keep still. Mere seconds later, he removed his hand from the burning forehead, his features forming a displeased expression.  
"Squall, what did you do?" He held the brunet by the shoulders. Squall shrugged, avoiding his gaze. Seifer shook him slightly, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to get his attention.  
"I mean it Squall"  
There was silence for a moment, then a hoarse voice.  
"I took the thoughts away"  
"Where did you take them?" Seifer pressed, needing confirmation of what he had originally thought was crazy speculation.

Seifer released Squall. That had all been real somehow, the snow, the cold. A thought occurred to him (and after a brief struggle with Squall) lifted up Squall's T-shirt, to check for the wound that he had seen on the boy before blacking out. There was nothing, no red, just smooth skin.  
"It wouldn't be a wound in the physical world. It was purely psychological" Squall jerked away, refusing to meet Seifer's eyes.  
"You shouldn't have gotten involved..."  
"What was I supposed to do? You think I didn't notice how it was affecting you? You scared me to death when I found you in your room like that. I needed to do it" Squall's eyes had flared at this, and he stood up abruptly. He had reverted back to his anger form, rejecting the direction the conversation was taking. He knew what Seifer was going to say. The room spun as his body rejected the sudden movement, and he was forced to sit down once again, or collapse. He held his head in his hands as he waited for the room to stop moving. Seifer waited patiently until Squall had regained his vision.  
"Give them back, I can handle them" Seifer saw the shadow of defiance flit over Squall's face.  
"No, you can't"  
"Squall, I'm warning you..."  
"No"  
His eyes had now taken on that stubborn edge. Getting through to Squall emotionally was doable. Making him do something he didn't want to do was a little more challenging, something that Seifer wasn't sure he could handle in his barely recovering state.  
"Squall, don't do this"  
A flinty gaze was what answered him. Seifer sighed,  
"Don't say I didn't warn you" He murmured.

Over the years, when Squall had done things to jeopardise his own wellbeing, Seifer had always resorted to Ifrit. From a young age, he had always had Ifrit, even before he knew about Guardian Forces or Junctioning. He had always kept it to himself, knowing even at such a young age that admitting to unrestricted magic was feared during a delicate time such as the Adel Sorceress War.  
It was only accidently that he had discovered that Squall was the same. Ifrit had alerted him to Shiva's presence, but Seifer hadn't realised that it was Squall that she resided in until the day when she cried out to Ifrit for his human to save Squall. Ifrit had warned Seifer, who had promptly sprinted down to the beach and rescued him. Squall claimed even now that he hadn't been trying to drown himself, just that he was distracted by the water and didn't think about breathing. Seifer hadn't believed him, and still didn't. It was too convenient that it had occurred just after 'sis' had left.

It wasn't until they'd been moved to Garden, and learned about GFs that they found they could summon Ifrit and Shiva like GFs, without the need to actually junction them. What had shocked them more was that other people could junction what they called their Guardians, but it was a poor imitation of the link that they had. All the other students had been issued them by Garden, but had never been able to interact with them outside of battle.

They both used their Guardians in their own way; Seifer incorporating it into his Gunblade attacks, and Squall (to Seifer's chagrin) using his to keep everyone away.  
Squall had always used his 'Ice Wall' technique on everyone, and had stubbornly attempted to use it on Seifer when it came to certain things. Usually, Seifer hadn't minded, knowing that Squall liked his own space, but when it jeopardised Squall in any way, Seifer had always stepped in. They hadn't realised what would happen when they came into direct Guardian confrontation with one another. Their gunblade battles were only one dimension of their fights. When people watched, they only saw the physical fight, mixed with assumed junctioned magic. No one saw the spiritual battle behind it.

As they'd gotten older, being able to link with their Guardians became natural. Their creatures had a love-hate relationship. Shiva was faster, Ifrit was stronger. There had been cases where Seifer had been forced to use Ifrit to gain domination, when Squall was too stubborn to see sense. Seifer used this very rarely, and only when he thought that Squall was in danger otherwise. Ifrit was unlikely to let him use such a power on 'Shiva's child' without good cause anyway. During the Ultimecian Sorceress War, Ifrit had refused to aid him in battle in any way against Squall.

Seifer used this power now, waiting for the inevitable moment when he would hit the 'Ice Wall' that would fend off his attacks. Except that when it did hit, Seifer almost reeled back at the lack of strength in the defence. Squall struggled weakly, but his spirit was damaged from the physical toll that the memories were taking on his body, to the point where it was affecting his link with Shiva. His forehead gleamed with a sheen of sweat as he almost fitfully tried to gain control. Truthfully, Seifer was struggling to maintain the link, but was farther along the path to recovery.

Anyone else watching would have thought that this was causing Squall damage, but subtly, Seifer was impressing the concepts of sleep, rest, relaxation. He was imprinting his resolution to help, and for Squall to let him, to stop fighting him. Weak responses of disobedience and obstinacy, coupled with small tentative pokes of worry and a sense of responsibility. Seifer gently but firmly countered this, attacking the weak spot that was Squall's sense of responsibility. He would get nowhere against the more stubborn defences without causing a backlash, which he wasn't sure he could handle right now in his current state. He reminded Squall of simple things; Seifer was older, less affected, capable of handling things now. Squall didn't need to feel any responsibility, the worst was gone. Squall paused, unsure for a tiny moment. Seifer switched tactic, attacking that weak area mercilessly. Moments later, Ifrit had easily dominated over Shiva, and Squall, unable to take the strain anymore, was forced to submit, or fall unconscious.

Moments later, abandoning all sense of pride, he lay back on the bed, breathing harshly, which caused his aggravated throat to rebel with coughing. Slowly, the coughing subsided. Seifer stood up slowly, cautious with his own lack of strength.  
"Hyne Squall, you took things too far..."  
Squall didn't answer, he had fallen into a state of induced unconsciousness.

* * *

"Why are you here? Don't you have your own room?" Squall asked, almost grumpily. Seifer looked up with a casual, slightly mocking smile.  
"I can't trust you to look after yourself, so I'm making sure you do. Plus, when you're a bit more recovered, I plan for you to return what belongs to me"  
"I won't do it" Squall said, but without conviction or bite. Squall wasn't strong enough to challenge Seifer's victory, so had submitted sullenly, for now.  
Seifer had stayed the night, returning only briefly to his own room for overnight things. In the orphanage, they had almost always slept together in the same bed, but they had grown farther apart over the years, so had become acquainted with the floor of each other's room. That, and Seifer didn't trust himself enough with the teen in such close proximity. To say out loud that he had nursed his feelings for the brunet that long would make him vehemently and violently deny it. When alone however, he would calmly sift through the memories of how this occurred, hoping to recognise when it first happened, when he first realised that he loved Squall.  
He felt proud that he had managed to hide it away. It was well practised for him, so he could almost fool himself into thinking that the feelings didn't exist. It was easier that way.  
So he remained on the floor. Whether Squall found this strange or not, he never gave any such verbal complaint or agreement.  
"Okay, so talk me through your Icy world, and how you were able to pull me into it, and why the hell it affected you so quickly"  
Squall was sitting up, his hair now noticeably shorter and dapper than before. His fingers idly clutched the over-long sleeves of his t-shirt. He seemed to be deep in thought.  
"I...don't really know how I did it. I just remember Ifrit was angry and roaring for help. Apparently you'd silenced him somehow so he couldn't warn anyone, until you were too weak to control him any longer. I found you in your room. You weren't responding to anything. I tried to use Shiva to help, and she pulled you into my...that world"  
"So, you've been there before?" Squall nodded slightly.  
"It was the place I ended up in, after Ellone left. I didn't realise that you could enter there as well. But you did, and it was there that I could see the damage that had been caused to you. It was easy when you didn't remember anything, as the effects seemed frozen in time, but when you began to ask questions, I did the only thing I could think of to stop it. I reminded you of who you were. This brought your destructive memories up to the surface. I took them from you, sent you back, and kept them there..."  
"...but then they started to leak out and affect you like they did me" Seifer concluded. It was a good idea, but the memories would burn through everything and anything to destroy. Squall was silent. he knew what Seifer would ask next.  
"Squall. Take me back there"

* * *

There was snow again, and Seifer saw Squall standing in the snow. Seifer was angry to see that Squall was bleeding. He was handling these thoughts a lot worse than he himself had been. Squall looked over at Seifer, the silver tints in his otherwise brown hair making him seem ethereal.

"Do I have to do this?" There were hints of green mixed in with the blue words. Worry and regret. Sadness? Seifer was amazed at how much easier it was to read Squall here. No blank expressions to hide behind.  
"It's not your problem" His words were thankfully transparent. Seifer worried about what feelings of his could slip out into the words he spoke were they not in Squall's world.  
"How do we do this then?"  
"Seifer..."  
"No buts. Do it" Seifer's voice was firm. Squall barely inclined his head in a nod. Seifer waited.  
The sharp pain in his side returned. The thoughts threatened to overwhelm him once more. The Lunatic Pandora incident, the attack on Balamb Garden, Time Compression...the memories continued.  
Seifer struggled to stay standing, awaiting the continuation of more memories. he assumed that Squall had stopped to give him a moment to reabsorb them... before he was abruptly wrenched from the world. He ignored the lingering feelings of dizziness and nausea that the return trip had caused, coupled with the onslaught of his half returned memories.  
When he finally came to, he noticed at the room was empty. He could hear an unknown voice, singing challenge, until he recognised Shiva's dulcet tones.  
Cursing the brunet in several different words that were colourful in a less literal sense in the real world, he almost staggered out of the room. It was late evening, after curfew, so there were no students around. Seifer, fuelled by his own anger, allowed Ifrit to take over, cursing Squall as he attempted to run. He was all too aware that his body hadn't quite recovered, but Ifrit's blood burned to answer the challenge that Shiva sang. It was now beyond the power of the two teens. Another severe, and almost dangerous side effect to their Guardian powers. Fighting between the two could occur at any moment. Sometimes, Seifer was unsure of where they themselves left off and their Guardians began. It looked like Shiva rejected the previous outcome at such low strength and wanted a proper rematch. Well, he would oblige her.  
Hyperion in hand, he reached the place that Squall had run to; their usual training spot outside of Garden, on the cliffs just off of the fire cave.  
He should've expected this. Shiva was proud, and detested losing in a battle of the wills. It was her forte, and her humiliation would spur on a physical rematch, even if the odds were physically in Ifrit's favour. Before, she had been unable to kick up a proper defence, as Squall had had little time to recover emotionally. The Guardians seemed to rely on their emotional state, which meant that this was obviously wasn't something Squall could let go of easily.  
Seifer gritted his teeth angrily, which Ifrit absorbed with relish. Squall and Shiva had lost, yet had still pulled a fast one on them. Squall had only given half of his memories back before he had wrenched Seifer out of the world forcefully. He'd only given him enough back to ensure that it would disorientate Seifer and buy himself time to rally his powers. He'd thought that Squall was being too docile. Sneaky son of a...  
Seifer made his way past the vacant seat where the Garden Warden usually sat during the day. The 'out' gate was locked, but easily vault-able.

Outside, it was raining, which made Seifer curse. She had timed this all too perfectly. This would give Squall a strategic advantage, which they had known. The Ifrit part of Seifer growled in frustration at Shiva and her clever human. All he wanted was for Shiva to submit completely and be his, which Seifer wanted Squall to do. They were both being stupidly stubborn about it...  
Seifer slowed and shook his head slightly. He had to be careful. Sometimes Ifrit's thoughts would overlap with his own, and make him think over-possessive and primal things about Squall that Ifrit often thought about Shiva. The Guardians were divine beings of power, beholders of the elements, and Ice and Fire at the best of times sought to overcome the other. Shiva, and particularly Ifrit, responded to this in a very primal way. This had caused some...compromising situations that Seifer had been forced to quickly avert. He knew it would be easy for Squall and himself to just let the Guardians take over during battle. The power increase would be astounding, but in return, the lack of control could cause dire consequences. Seifer remembered how angry he'd been at Squall the last time they had fought on these cliffs. Ifrit had taken advantage of that anger and momentarily wrestled control. Squall, or Shiva, he was unsure, had been ferociously knocked to the floor with a fire spell. He remembered Ifrit's bloodcurdling smile on his own lips as he had raised Hyperion in the air. They were both marked that day, neither by their own doing. He quelled that anger now slightly, the memory forcing caution as he remembered the consequences.  
He didn't want to dominate anyone, he just wanted Squall to listen to him about this. Ifrit howled in response, but remained passive. For now at least.

Seifer finally spotted his target. Squall's hair was already plastered against his forehead from the rain, but he stood there, waiting patiently.  
"Squall, are you sure you want to do this?"  
Squall didn't reply, his eyes an inhuman blue. Shiva and Squall were now in perfect sync.  
And it began.


	2. Here I go again rushing headlong

**Kamikaze Love (Liberi Fatali Arc)**

**Chapter Two**

_Here I go again rushing headlong..._

* * *

It had taken a while, but Seifer had slowly began to notice something.

Every time their blades clashed, Squall was subtly leaking ice energy through Lion Heart, to Hyperion, to him, in the hopes that it would over-calm them, and make them docile enough for Squall to take advantage. Seifer responded to this ferociously, loosening the holds on Ifrit enough to perform swiping quick bursts of burning energy at the brunet. Seifer was using irritating techniques; trying to trick the brunet into losing his temper. His one handed style suited this, Squall more capable with the two handed channelling blow. Squall was quicker overall, but his actual gunblade attacks relied on contact. Seifer was far more apt at using the 'gun' part of his gunblade, which fired magical bursts into the blade that always brought him time if Squall was too quick to counter.  
In this case, it worked well, as Squall was forced back enough to regain his footing.

Seifer once again briefly recalled the most memorable time Squall had lost his footing. Well, 'lost' was a bit of a stretch. Few people would be able to stand after a fire spell like that. He had been angry at Squall that day, Squall had been too honourable in his fighting. Seifer had wanted to prove that in a fight, ideals were useless. There was just win and lose. Being idealistic wouldn't help in a mercenary world. Squall was unlikely to pass the SeeD exam if he was too busy waiting for the enemy to stand up. Of course, it had gone too far. Ifrit and Shiva has responded overzealously to that moment of freedom, that obvious conflict in beliefs. It was what they thrived on, perhaps the reason they were each specifically chosen by the Guardians.

Squall had learned the lesson though, even if it had cost them both in blood.  
Seifer touched the scar in an odd and brief kind of salute to Squall, before sweeping his blade upwards in an arc. The key to winning was to surprise Squall. His biggest weakness was falling into routine, which due to the poor training of Galabadian solders, and predictable fighting habits of monsters, hadn't caused Squall any issues as of yet. Squall like predictability, and relied a lot on the Scan spell during the War. He liked to know what he was dealing with, and how to deal with it. It wasn't a good habit to fall into, and Seifer wouldn't let him, even if it caused another scar. He'd rather that Squall was scarred and alive, than pristine in death. Seifer ignored the growled voice that told him that he liked to be the one to mark the teen. That he didn't trust anyone else with the task.

At the last minute, as Squall dodged back from the arc, Seifer changed from a vertical slice to a horizontal one, the transition sketching a flame in the air. This caused Squall to lose ground very quickly. Seifer was relentless, pressing, forcing, never giving him a chance to recover long enough for a counter attack. He had forced him into cornered mode, which was the best time to start the process of a finishing blow.  
Unfortunately, Shiva had other ideas. Seifer had been too intent on his target to notice. When Squall made a wide sweeping gesture with his blade, Seifer thought that he had him. When he suddenly jerked to a stop mid charge, he could only take a moment to assess the situation before Squall came full pelt towards him. Seifer had a moment to blink in surprise at the unpredictability before his instincts kicked in, and he blocked carelessly, knowing that unless he freed his foot from the ice, it would be over in the next few seconds. Shiva had somehow used the rain and frozen Seifer to it, linking the liquid on his body with the liquid on the ground. She had done it amazingly quickly, as he had constantly been moving. Trust Squall to capture rather than kill.  
Seifer then did something drastic. He stood in guard, until the last possible moment, before abruptly lowering his weapon. He knew Squall enough, knew his still annoyingly present principles in battle. He also knew that despite Shiva's determination, she would not cause a killing blow to the person who had saved her human's life, and would continue to do so. It was enough. With no real intent to damage, Squall predictably lost his momentum, and almost stumbled to the side, which gave Seifer the precious few seconds for Ifrit to free his leg.  
This apparently frustrated the Goddess of Ice, who disliked being emotionally manipulated, so she had spent that time turning rain into hail. Seifer bit back a frustrated growl. The expert of distraction and illusiveness, she was mercilessly using the environment to her advantage, and it was making things difficult. Seifer now found it too difficult to see without shielding his eyes, so had to watch carefully for the sign of the brunet.  
Except that the illusive brat was already there, Lion Heart tucked neatly beneath his chin. A killing blow if Squall had wished it.  
"Stupid Ice bitch" Seifer and Ifrit seemed to simultaneously growl, as they surrendered. Squall was unsure of whether they referred to him, or Shiva. Shiva didn't care, she laughed long and loud silver notes before her presence faded away. The blade was lowered.  
"I have a compromise" Squall spoke softly, to pacify him. Seifer spoke quickly, angrily, Ifrit's howling humiliation at loss fuelling the emotions he no longer controlled.  
"I want them all back. Every damn last one"  
"What about if I gave them back to you intermittently? When I thought you could handle them?"  
"Squall, don't patronise me. It's not that damn simple!"  
"Why?"  
Seifer stopped. He had tried to keep this from the other for a while now, hoping to hide the real trouble that he was in. He didn't want to make Squall feel that his efforts had been in vain.  
"They're... not just stupid memories. I could come to terms with those. It's a spell"  
Squall looked at him, wary curiosity marking his features.  
"When Ultimecia first got her claws into me, she knew I wasn't serving her willingly. She wanted to ensure that I would be there until death. The memories are like a poison. Everything I've ever regretted, she made sure that the memories would eventually kill me if she wasn't there to neutralise the effects. I don't know how you managed to get them out of my head, but they will most likely infect and kill you eventually as well"  
There was silence aside from the hail, which had only increased in intensity.  
Then Squall spun round, began to storm off.  
"Squall, it's not your problem to deal with"  
"Of course it's my fucking problem, it's you!" Seifer blinked in surprise. He was the one most likely to curse, Squall usually avoided such words. He walked quickly to keep up with the teen.  
"I can handle it. I'm already working on things"  
"You liar. You knew that you were going to die! And you weren't going to tell me!"  
"Squall, it would've been for the best. The world doesn't want to be reminded of the man that helped the Sorceress"  
"I won't let you die"  
"And I won't let you die along with me. You can't stop this from happening to me. Eventually, the memories will be remade, and they will kill me. Taking them away won't help, you're just sacrificing yourself to slow the inevitable"  
Seifer grabbed Squall by the shoulder and swung him around.  
"Leonhart. You can't stop this, I've tried..."  
"I'll ask Rinoa. Maybe she'll know something"  
"Squall, a fledgling Sorceress isn't going to know about such spells. She can barely stop herself from Floating some days"  
"What about Matron?"  
"I've already asked her. She's looked into things, but nothing's come up yet, and I haven't exactly got a lot of time"

"Squall..."  
"How much time?"  
"It doesn't m..."  
"How much time?"  
Seifer sighed, his shoulders slumped slightly with the movement. The disadvantage to losing against Squall and Shiva; the submission. Squall was in control. For now. The effects would wear off.  
"When you found me in my room. I think...that was the peak of it. I think it was going to happen then"  
"So, when you say you have little time..."  
"I mean that I had no time left, until you did your strange snow world thing"  
There was silence. They were now walking at a normal pace as the silence seemed to stretch out beyond them. The hail around them however, intensified. Seifer found himself flinching.  
"I won't give them back, not yet. I've bought you more time this way"  
"The spell could corrupt your own memories, you would be potentially sealing yourself to the same fate Leonhart. Listen to me!"  
Squall's face took on a familiar expression. Seifer recognised it bitterly. The opening for compromise was slowly closing up, leaving him on the outside. Glaring at the teen, he decided to grasp what was offered, rather than end up with nothing.  
"Fine..Squall, fine. But I have some conditions, or I'm out"  
Squall nodded curtly, a signal to continue.  
"Firstly, you need to teach me that weird mind thing you do, with the snow" Squall looked mildly surprised at this, but agreed.  
"Next, I need you to pull all the strings, use all your contacts. If there is anyone out there who can help, I don't want you to hold back. It doesn't have to be to help me, but you need to look for people to help you"  
"Now, the final point, the most important one. Listen close Squally Boy, because this one's the important one." He waited for a moment before continuing.  
"If it gets to the point...of no return, you have to grant me one request. Any one request that I ask of you, you do, regardless of your feelings on the matter. I am doing this your way because I have no damn choice, but if things get too serious, I want you to listen to whatever my request will be at that time. You have to swear, on your honour as a Knight. An Oath"  
Squall stood there, still and silent.  
"Swear it Squall, or Hyne help me I'll end it myself right now"  
"...Fine" Squall ground out. His teeth gritted in a surprising amount of barely control anger.  
"Your Oath Squall"  
"...I..give you my oath for one request, when all else has failed"  
From the look in Squall's eyes, Seifer could tell that he knew what the 'request' would be. Why lose the both of them if removing the core of the spell was all it took? It was insurance for Squall's life if the very worst occurred. Seifer relaxed slightly, but saw that Squall remained tense. He placed his hand on the teen's shoulder as Garden loomed above them, a dark silhouette.  
"Come and find me when you've cooled down and are ready to talk, I need to explain some precautionary measures to you" He said softly as he walked towards the entrance, Hyperion across his shoulder like it weighed little more than air. Squall knew better. Hyperion was deceptively weighty; much more so than Lion Heart. How he'd managed to fight one handed was beyond him. Squall had always favoured the lighter weapon, but due to the lack of strength of the weapon, found that a two handed approach gave more power, yet still allowed for the speed he needed.  
Squall abandoned the trivial thoughts for more important ones. He needed to speak to Edea very soon, so conceded grudgingly to Seifer and took a few moments to compose himself. Edea had taken up residence within Garden for a few months to be with Cid, but had eventually moved back to the orphanage. Luckily for them, she was currently in Garden visiting. He would also have to talk to Laguna. He didn't particularly relish that idea, but Esthar had facilities and technology that went far beyond what Garden had to offer. Also, he had been given certain advantages. Laguna had given Squall, and Squall alone, Ragnarok, against all other voices of objection on the matter. Garden had felt that it was needed for their missions, Esthar had wanted to maintain control of the aircraft. Laguna had insisted that Squall take it. 'Finders Keepers' he had said, he was exasperated at such childish rules, but thankful that it had worked out that way. He could make a trip to Esthar if all else failed.  
With that, Squall slowly made his way back, his attention so focused on contacting Edea that he had failed to notice that the rain had finally stopped.

* * *

Seifer knew that he didn't have to wait very long until Squall came to his senses and began over-planning things, so had slept for a few hours and taken a shower, before heading down to the cafeteria. He hated the food from the cafeteria, but wanted to stay close for any 'updates'. On the way there, he found himself guiltily enjoying the lack of some more horrific, imposing memories. He was able to think through his more precious memories, and he found himself dwelling on them, savouring the momentary lack of intrusion. Oddly, he found himself thinking about the Seed exams of the past. He was currently in the process of re-sitting the exam once again. He smiled faintly at his various failures. Before the War, he had hated the memories, but now, they did little more than amuse him.  
On his fifteenth, Squall had barely turned fourteen. Not wanting to go ahead, he had omitting himself from the exam. At sixteen, he had punched the team leader, and was immediately failed. It hadn't helped that the team leader was Xu's boyfriend. Squall would've passed, but apparently he was insubordinate to the Garden superiors for a reason that Squall had never explained to him.  
By the time he was seventeen, he'd been sure that they'd both pass. It was halfway through the exam that he'd seen no sign of Squall in any of the groups. He had purposely failed that year.  
He'd tried so many times, rewritten the same coursework, done the same field tests. The last SeeD exam was particularly crushing. Too used to Squall's ability to keep up with him, and sick of taking the same test over and over, he'd stupidly panicked when the retreat call had sounded, too unused to being a team leader. He'd assumed that the team was right behind him. Except that Squall had almost been mauled by a mechanized spider. Instant fail, and time in the disciplinary room. Everyone else in his squad had passed. They had received credit for discovering Galbadia's plans with the communication tower.  
He remembered Squall's shocked expression when Seifer's name hadn't been called. To prevent any kind of sympathy, and still furious with himself for abandoning his friend, Seifer had clapped. Not for the strutting chicken, or the clumsy messenger girl, or even the guy he didn't know. Nifa, or Nira or something.  
He'd clapped for Squall.  
Ifrit approved of these thoughts. Anything regarding his feelings for the brunet was encouraged by the Guardian. The love hate relationship that Ifrit and Shiva had was as much love as it was hate. Sometimes Seifer had to wonder how many of their fights were caused just so the Guardians could feel the touch of the other.  
Unfortunately for him, what he had hidden so well for so long from his friend-turned-rival, he couldn't hide so well from Ifrit. Fortunately, Ifrit wouldn't do anything to interfere. He never had, even when Seifer had first met Squall.

Seifer leaned back his chair, tempering his fond smile into a smirk for any onlookers as he thought back to his years at the orphanage.  
Seifer had been rescued after an attack from the sorceress had caused the house that he and his parents were residing in to collapse. He didn't remember the event, but the impact had apparently killed his parents instantly. He was unsure at how he'd survived, but he had suspicions that it had something to do with Ifrit. Eventually, they had managed to remove the debris. Matron had told him how he ran straight to her for comfort, despite her being a stranger to him. She had enquired round town regarding his family, but all she had been able to find out was that his parents had one day appeared in town, with no back story, and had made it their home, just before he had been born. It wasn't much, but the midwife had been able to at least tell Matron that he had not long turned three.  
He had hazy memories regarding what had happened that day. Some of it he was sure he had fabricated based on the story that Matron had told him. It was the only thing he had from his time before the orphanage, so he guarded and treasured it.  
When he had arrived there, he had been one of the older children (Quistis and Ellone being the exceptions). He had arrived quite traumatised at what had happened. He remembered crying alone in bed that night...

_A small hand pushed a stuffed lion towards him, and a pair of large blue eyes peeked up at him from the edge of the bed.  
"He wants you to borrow Leon" Ellone informed him from the doorway. He wiped his eyes and sniffed.  
"Why would I want an old stuffed toy?" He said scornfully, turning away from the proffered gift. The eyes looked hurt for a moment, before they widened in remembrance. He quickly ran from the room.  
"He was only trying to be nice you know" Ellone said helpfully.  
"I don't need anyone to be nice to me. I wanna go home. I wanna see my parents" His voice shook as he began to cry one again._  
_"Seffah, you're such a cryyyy baby. You should be more like me and smile more. Then you'll find new parents, cos your old ones are gone" Zell cluelessly grinned at Seifer as he said this.  
"Zell!" Ellone scolded him, but at that moment, Seifer tore out of bed. Zell saw the murderous rage on his rage and he back away, running and screaming for Matron.  
"Yeah! You run you... CHICKEN!" Seifer screamed.  
At that moment, Squall turned the corner, hope in his eyes that Seifer might like his Lion figure Griever. He looked confused as Seifer stood there, shaking with anger. He walked over and offered the clay figure to him.  
"Go away! I don't want your stupid Lions!" Seifer pushed passed him roughly, knocking the figure from Squall's fingers. Had Seifer not continued to chase Zell, he would've heard the smash, seen a heartbroken Squall crouch on the floor quietly to pick up the smashed head that was once Griever..._

Seifer almost physically flinched at the memory. That had crept in from nowhere. He wanted to stay as far away from those kinds of memories as possible. Dwelling on the negative ones only sped up the effects.  
He pulled himself out of his thoughts quickly. He needed to talk to Edea about the effects that this would have on Squall. He now had an active reason to try and destroy the spell within him. Whatever might have happened to him before, could no longer happen now that Squall was involved.

Seifer stretched and glanced over at his rival as they stood in the elevator leading up to the headmaster's office. Squall was looking back at him in what seemed to be concern, before he caught Seifer looking and slapped on the usual glare. Seifer stood, his body reminding him of how worn out he actually was. There was still one thing to sort out though. He closed the space between the two of them.  
"Stop dwelling on them. They're over exaggerated memories, and a little bit intrusive"  
"It's hard not to"  
"I know, but once the spell's gone, they won't seem like anything" He pushed Squall lightly towards the doorway as the lift opened.  
"The spell's not gone yet. Have you had any backlash yet?" Squall asked. Seifer growled a little.  
"Leonhart, I've been handling the whole thing for a while now. Give me some credit here" He pushed the slowed down brunet ahead once again. Squall muttered darkly at this, but sped up slightly. A thought popped into Seifer's head just then, which he voiced.  
"Uh, by the way, how exactly do you enter your...what is it, a dream world?"  
"I don't know if it's something that can be taught, but it was done with Shiva's help, so there's no reason why you can't do it"  
"I've always been better at picking up things than you anyway" Seifer's light tease sought to remind Squall of their first experience with the Guardians, and how Squall's first attempt at a link with Shiva had left him with hypothermia. Seifer had hidden the burn on his hand from Squall as he laughed at a nearly recovered Squall. So far, Seifer had yet to catch hyperthermia in any way, shape or form, which made him feel quite smug.  
Squall's glare and curt dismissal made Seifer laugh at his success. It was probably not the best way to deal with Squall, but it was the best way for him to deal with his own feelings regarding Squall. Keep it superficial and light hearted most of the time. They walked past Nida, and into a side office where Edea was most likely to be residing  
Seifer knocked brashly, and after a moment, they were invited in. Squall saluted at Cid, who stood with Edea at his side, as they entered. Seifer did not. Seifer had always liked the headmaster, but was unable to respect him. Whenever NORG and Cid had ever had a disagreement, Cid had never had the backbone to make any decisions, including the issue with his SeeD failure. He couldn't hate Cid though, as he had let Seifer return to continue his SeeD training.

Edea smiled softly in greeting at two of her children. Her smile faltered, and her brow crinkled slightly in confusion.  
"Edea, we were hoping to speak with you, regarding a private matter" Squall said brusquely, omitting the endearing orphanage name of Matron while in the presence of another.  
Edea gave a nod and a soft smile at Cid, who smiled in understanding.  
"I need to speak to the Instructors regarding this year's syllabus anyway" He brushed his lips against Edea's cheek before exiting the room. Before they could begin, Edea stepped forward towards Squall.  
"Why do you have Ultimecia's poison within you Squall? I don't understand how such a unique spell can infect another."  
Squall glanced over towards Seifer, displeasure still on his features. Seifer just smirked.  
"I took steps, because he wasn't going to" He gestured towards Seifer. Edea's gaze became slightly sharp.  
"I'll come back to you in a moment Squall, regarding your approach. Seifer, I thought we were working towards a cure? And why did you end up in the Infirmary recently?"  
"Ah well, I might not have told you everything Matron..." He tried to be as offhand as possible. Edea saw right through him.  
"Seifer Almasy, explain yourself" Seifer felt like a six year old again.  
"Well, I don't think we have as much time as I made you believe" Seifer gave a half hearted glare in Squall's direction, who was pointedly ignoring him.  
"Matron, if I hadn't done what I did, Seifer would be dead right now. That's what was happening when he ended up in the infirmary. So we need a cure quickly"  
Edea's heated amber gaze turned shocked at this information. She stood up abruptly.  
"How long do we have?" Her gaze searched the two of them. It was Seifer who spoke up.  
"I'd say at least a month for him, though I don't like the idea of it going on for that long, for obvious reasons. I don't know if he can handle it as well as I did" He resisted laughing at Squall's affronted expression. He continued.  
"But the maximum time until the spell reignites new memories within me will be no longer than a year, from what I remember. It was just over a year ago since I felt Ultimecia die"  
"Then we don't have much time at all. I don't understand what Squall did, but it seems to have helped you greatly, which gives us the needed time. Mark my words though Squall, we will be discussing this, you are not blameless in this reckless approach you have taken, even if it did save Seifer's life" She stood up, an imposing woman once again, despite her lack of sorceresque features.  
"I shall go and wake Rinoa. Meet us in the debriefing room on the second floor"

* * *

Squall tried to concentrate on anything but the thoughts that were swimming through his head. The truth was, the memories were a lot harder to handle than Squall thought was possible. It was only his stubborn nature that defied the logical option of returning them to Seifer.  
They arrived at the debriefing room. Squall nodded to both Rinoa and Edea; apart from the two of them, the room was empty. Seifer had taken a detour so was yet to arrive. Squall didn't understand what the detour was for, but hadn't questioned him on it.  
Squall noted that Rinoa was surprisingly tense, as she sat there chipping the nail varnish off of her nails. He sighed inwardly. He had hoped that there would be a way to solve the infection. Maybe he needed to talk to someone in Esthar? He didn't particularly like Dr. Odine, but the man did know a lot about sorceresses.  
"Squall, I would like to first talk about your methods used to extract Seifer's memories. We're concerned, as that kind of skill lies outside of the jurisdiction of GF powers, as far as we know. Was it something you did channelling Rinoa's power unknowingly? Can you explain to us what you did?" Squall was already ready with an appropriate lie. What he had done would probably be deemed as very dangerous. They wouldn't understand, and would think that Shiva was controlling him, At the very least, they would find a way to take Shiva away, if not that, he wouldn't doubt that he'd be taking a trip to Esthar to be sealed away.  
He stopped however, what if this lie prevented them from removing the poison?  
"Squall?"  
"When I found Seifer, I had known that he was suffering from psychological stress induced by past memories. I equipped all available Garden GFs to him. The concentrated powers were able to remove the memories. I was unaware at the time that the issues causing Seifer damage were spell based, so the GFs must have reacted strangely to the sorceress magic and transferred the poisoned memories across to the nearest available host, which was me. As a precaution, I put the GFs under temporary quarantine in case this spread to the other students. There was no reports detailing as such. I have equipped GFs since, and have experienced no farther effects. As long as no one equips a ridiculous amount of GFs, there are no issues, especially without farther sorceress magic intervention. I have already sent a report indicating the GF regulation changes that are needed." Squall recited the lie that he had thought through since realising what he had done. It had enough detail to not be questioned. At the most, he would receive disciplinary measures for attempting such a dangerous thing. The fact that Seifer still lived would lessen that somewhat.  
Edea looked at Squall in shock.  
"Squall, you must not do things like this without telling anyone. The repercussions are dangerous. Hasn't this been proven to you? Always discuss these things with Garden before attempting them. If I were a Garden official, I would lower your SeeD rank. As it is, I see no immediate danger now that you have told me, so we'll leave it be. For now, we need to run a magical scan to check the damage, and see what influence Rinoa's power has on the two of you"  
"Well, doesn't that sound safe" A sarcastic voice said from the doorway. Edea and Rinoa looked towards the source of the voice, Squall tried to look as uninterested as possible.  
"So Matron, is this something that the princess cooked up, or are we just that out of ideas?" Rinoa frowned at Seifer, all crooked smiles and mocking eyes.  
"I don't have to help you Seifer"  
"Then why are you?"  
"I don't like seeing Squall affected by things such as this. I'm confident I have the skills to work alongside Edea in solving this problem"  
"Forgive me for being cynical your highness, but I have issues with a sorceress, who was hovering upside down last month, probing around in my mind"  
"It won't just be your mind, I have to explore the magical links in your body, so I have to do an overall search"  
"If you think that's going to persuade me, you've g-"  
"Seifer, enough" Edea spoke lightly, but Seifer caught the same tone that she had often used when he was caught doing something he shouldn't have been. Leaning against the wall, he caught Squall staring and gave a wink. Squall rolled his eyes, suitably abashed and hoping to hide it behind exasperation.

Seifer reluctantly stood in front of Rinoa. He didn't trust this girl as far as she could throw (he could throw pretty damn far) but it was either him or Squall. It was an easy choice to make. Squall was huffing about the whole thing in the most dignified way possible.  
Rinoa stood there in readiness, Edea just behind her, giving her instructions. Seifer felt his body temperature rise as Ifrit became threatened by this intrusion. He seemed to have no love for sorceresses. Seifer had to will himself to calm down; if Rinoa sensed that kind of energy, there would be no explaining it, and after all the effort Squally boy put in to lie so convincingly.  
"Okay... so I can feel the pathways of energy leading up towards the spell, the spell area is becoming more concentrated." Rinoa's eyes were shut and her brow furrowed in concentration.  
"And..there! That's the source. But...it's too...I can't..." Edea stepped forward, checking the mass of energy for herself. Her eyes glowed vividly for a moment.  
"Hmm, it's far too dangerous to wrench it out. It would have to be done intermittently over time..but it becomes more entangled as time goes by, and if the strands get caught and tangled as parts are being pulled out...we would need to know the pattern...the signature of the spell..." Edea's eyes faded to their usual warm colour once again.  
"It seems that there is a way to remove the spell, but it is almost impossible to perform. Ultimecia saturated your spirit in negative energy designed to stain and grow over time. This is an old spell...Adel, if I remember correctly, used this very same one. The host didn't survive. I believe it was an assurance spell to keep less willing knights under control. Using this spell, Ultimecia would be able to flood your body with a signature catalyst to speed up the deterioration process. Similar to oil being set off with a Fira spell, but in essence format. She wanted to ensure that there was no way for you to betray her or her secrets. It would mean that even after her death, she could ensure that it would thrive on its own, but at a much slower rate without her interference, seeping into everything. I'm surprised that she didn't activate it instantly, unless...Of course. You were not in time compression, and she had pulled out of our present to fight Squall, and after the fight, she could no longer reach you, because I absorbed her power after she was defeated...ah..."Edea sighed softly  
"This will cause problems..." She looked towards Squall.  
"Well, let's have a look at you now Squall"  
Seifer watched, trying to see the lines of magic that they both so easily saw. After a shorter time, they both stepped back again. Both seemed a bit more pleased.  
"Well, with Rinoa's help, Squall's absorption can be easily remedied. Luckily, Rinoa and Squall still have their Knight and Sorceress bond, so she can work consistently with it to remove it, and the signature can be recognised in Squall's body" Edea turned to Seifer.  
"I am unsure on what to do about yours Seifer. This is usually something that your sorceress would deal with, yet you are without one. Sorceresses do not usually let their Knights live past them. It must have been excruciatingly painful to feel the link break..." There was sympathy in her warm amber eyes. Seifer couldn't bear it, not in front of other people. He shrugged.  
"So, all I need to do is find a long dead sorceress and ask her pretty please to undo this? Why can't I just become your knight?" He regretted the sarcastic tone when seeing Edea's face crumple.  
"It is dangerous for another Sorceress to intervene on a Knight while another's spells still hold. The spell would kill you the moment that I tried. Even in death, she still has her hold on you, and until you are released from that, no other sorceress can touch you"  
"So, Squall wasted his time. I'm going to die anyway" Seifer felt a bitterness gnawing at his insides. Edea's eyes widened.  
"Seifer, we haven't given up hope yet. Other sorceresses may not be able to help you, but that doesn't rule out all options. There's always Esthar. There's always hope, and I would be the first to say that I don't know everything regarding Hyne's divine magic" She implored him to believe her. Seifer walked to the window, leaning on the glass with a forearm. This was all frustrating. Before, he had been prepared for death. He thought that he was dying the day that Ultimecia had died anyway. Edea was right, it had hurt like a bitch.  
He glared out of the window, not really seeing anything. Now he had pulled people into this pointlessly, pulled Squall into it...  
Well, at least he was guaranteed that Squall would be fine in all this. Rinoa was incompetent, but she had Edea to guide her, and Rinoa had almost never let Squall come into harm. He was still stinging about the icicle impalement incident, but he knew deep down that he couldn't blame Rinoa for that.  
"Are we done here for now matron?" He asked. Edea looked to him fondly.  
"Yes. And don't worry, we will find a way to cure you" she gave him a soft, motherly smile, her eyes full of determination.

He hoped so.


	3. Hell, the way you walked in

**Kamikaze Love (Liberi Fatali Arc)**

**Chapter Three**

_Hell, the way you walked in, I would kiss the earth beneath your feet...  
_

* * *

Seifer had been in the secret area for about 45 minutes. He had wanted to go to the training area, but Edea had forbad any sort of overexertion until Kadowaki had confirmed that he was fully rested. His battle with Squall had only drained his remaining reserves of power, so he was back to square one. He hated the secret area, and never usually came here, but he knew that people knew this about him, so they wouldn't be able to find him even if they came looking.

Oddly, there was no one else there. Whether that was because Seifer had been lucky, or his countenance had scared them off, no one would ever know. It suited him. Despite popular belief, even he liked to be alone sometimes. Besides, as much as he would never admit it, when he looked up at the night sky, he felt that his problems were insignificant. He sighed, leaning over the edge slightly. It looked beautiful tonight. Peaceful and quiet.

He really wanted to be in the training area.

He didn't understand how Squall did it. When it was quiet, the thoughts would come creeping in. He didn't want to think, he wanted to block everything out. Of course, he'd tried many things to keep the thoughts away; drink, sex, drugs. Absolutely anything. None of it had worked. Seifer grimaced in distaste. That had not been a fun time. Luckily, he wasn't stupid enough to think that continuing down that path would help. He sampled only. He was no one and nothing's slave, he controlled his desires.

Seifer stopped, paused. Well, he controlled _almost_ all of his desires. Unfortunately, that particular addiction had wormed it's way under his skin from a very young age. Even before he reached an age of torrential hormones, he knew what he wanted. Back then, it had been simply being close to him, being his "bestest" friend. He wondered when he realised it was too late to pull away without immense pain on both parts. Breaking away from the sorceress bitch had been excruciating. He remembered the hot white burning pain, like blood becoming lava. He sustained his life and destroyed him at the same time. Fujin and Raijin had already departed, but not before begging him to stop. He remembered wanting to, he had been dying to leave all this behind.

Shortly afterwards, he remembered Squall. The words they exchanged were forgotten, but Seifer remembered that that was the last time they had spoken before the bond had broken. He remembered giving Rinoa to Ultimecia, and...

Seifer gave a look of confusion. What had happened then? He remembered giving her over, remembered the pain when Ultimecia was vanquished, but...

It was an odd feeling, not having pieces of memories. Eventually, even if Squall refused to give them back, they would return, but for now, Seifer found himself furious at his self for enjoying the solace of his lack of memories. Seifer was pulled out of his thoughts by approaching footsteps. He knew enough to tell that they weren't Squall's footsteps, which made him inwardly curse. He could count on one hand the amount of people he'd be willing to talk to right now...

"Self pity doesn't really suit you" Seifer didn't bother turning around.  
"What do you want princess?"

Rinoa came and stood next to him. He didn;t seem to react to the intrusion, so she turned her gaze towards the night sky. A moment passed as she took in the serenity of the evening. Talking to Seifer made her slightly nervous, so she waited, drawing in the calm of the night, before turning towards him slightly. She was pleased to see that he was at least calm.  
"Look Seifer...I just wanted to let you know... I know that we don't always see eye to eye, I know that"  
"How astute of you" he commented, making her frown slightly. He had not turned towards her, but he hadn't thrown her over the side. She would take it.  
"I don't understand. Before the Sorceress War, that summer..." A sigh from the man next to her.  
"Is this a confession princess? Because I think we've stumbled carelessly down that road before"  
"Seifer. I didn't mean it in that way. I mean...aside from the...dating...we were friends, right? What changed?"

He considered her words for a moment, partly to answer her question, partly to explore whether he could recall that particular memory. It wasn't his most favourite of memories, but it was a mostly harmless one, so he was relieved when he found it still intact. During the summer, just before Squall and the orphanage brats had passed the SeeD exam, there had been the usual summer break for all the people who had "yet to become SeeDs". There were no classes, so they all had a lot free time, and Seifer was not the type of person to sit still. He needed to be out and about doing things. When he was younger, it had been activities and sports, which he'd sometimes dragged Squall to. As he got older, his activities became more sensual in nature. He had also not wanted to taint his friendship with Squall, and didn't want to run the risk of his (back then) overwhelming feelings getting out of control. It helped take the edge off, and to him, it was nothing more than a physical activity. Something to let off some steam. It was only by chance that he'd met Rinoa. Rinoa had just broken up with her boyfriend, and was seeking some solace of her own. They had met, gotten along. Seifer had found her ideals commendable, and despite who her father was, he had thought she was honestly a down to earth girl. True, her ideals made her speak out of turn a lot of the time, and she was also quite naive, but this was a refreshing change from being surrounding by people who had been almost forced to grow up quickly. She was almost a reminder of his dream, back when it was beautiful and fragile, not when it had become tainted. The irony was that she could have been the one to fulfil his romantic dream. Of course, he hadn't expected that someone such as Rinoa would have enough power to absorb a sorceresses power and become a sorceress. Perhaps that's why he was so cruel to her now. She constantly reminded him of the power that he had once sought, and now hated. He frowned. Did he hate Matron too? He had certainly avoided her for the most part.

"Seifer?" Rinoa quietly reminded him of her presence.  
"I guess we were" he said idly, still unsure of when it was that he had started to dislike the people around him. Rinoa placed a hand on his arm, her eyes still filled with a fondness towards him. a fondness that she had found herself having to pack away into a little crevice, knowing that he was lashing out at her, and that it would not help matters. She was hurt by his words, and stung by the fact that he thought she was incapable as a sorceress. He hadn't even trusted her to perform a simple magical examination. It was only Edea that had managed to persuade him to allow it. He had gone to Edea with his problems, not her. She knew that Edea was like a mother to him, to them all, but she had felt a little hurt to be so callously ignored.

And when he could ignore her no longer, when she chose to stay in Garden, well, then the ignoring her turned to sarcastic barbs, that he tried to use to keep her away from him. And unfortunately, as much as she'd like to be, she was not the one that could cut away the briars and thorns. That didn't stop her from trying though. She smiled faintly, sadly, trying to recall the last time they had interacted. It was that long ago that she couldn't even recall it? She sometimes wished she'd never met Seifer. Then she would have never hired SeeDs, never ended up so close to Ultimecia, and he wouldn't have gone chasing after them all.

"I'm sorry that I caused so much trouble. I always think that it was my fault that everything...like the sorceress, and everything. If I hadn't asked you to help me with Timber, then maybe..."  
"Ultimecia would have found a way somehow. I wouldn't flatter yourself too much" Rinoa glared at him, a far cry from the glares he was used to, but oddly, it had its own charm. It almost made him smile. Unfortunately, he didn't like to let his guard down around people like her. Matron didn't count, she was barely a Sorceress anymore. He couldn't guarantee that Rinoa wouldn't decide that she wanted the world as her play toy.

"Why are you always like this now? I just want to make things right. I'll admit that I've not been the nicest to you recently, but that's only because you make it so hard to talk to you like a normal person"  
"Well, you've had a lot of practice when you were with your Wonderboy Leonhart, so I'm sure you'll manage somehow" Seifer was surprised at how sharp and bitter he was being with her. He had obviously hit home, as her eyes widened in shock.  
"That was a low blow Seifer...even for you. I wanted you to be on the SeeD team, I even asked Cid for you, but he said there had been complications, that you weren't available. And then, I thought you'd been executed. I tried to get to you before she did. I tried..." she said this in a calm tone, but even Seifer could see the slight welling of tears. Bravely, she forced them back, biting down on her lip. She was an emotional little thing, but she had learned the hard way that tears didn't fix things. He sighed. He didn't want to be talking about this. He really really didn't. He didn't want to think about the time the two of them were together. Why was she making things so difficult?  
"Look, Rinoa. I don't care about what you and Leonhart had-"  
"-but we didn't have anything!"

Well, that was surprising. And his heart did not just jump at that. No it didn't, if it knew what was damn well good for it. He was sure they'd had a "thing." Rinoa, noticing his silence, took the opportunity to elaborate.  
"It was more...having something in common" She was looking at him fondly again. Why, he didn't know, but he wanted her to stop, wanted her to leave. Unfortunately, he was curious, and he wanted to know.  
"What could you and Leonhart possibly have in common?" She was being cryptic, and he didn't like it.

She smiled softly, looking at him there. She remembered. Remembered how it felt to imagine him dead. She had nothing on Squall though. In fact, she had never seen such panic and outrage on his face. She could be over imagining it, but she was sure he had looked...hurt, and scared. He had made a big fuss, she didn't remember the exact words, but he had left the room, leaving a silent and shocked room behind. Back then, she hadn't understood the significance. After all, she had only known Squall a short while. How was she to know that as far as anyone could remember, he had never done something like this. Eventually she had found him, on the floor, knees up in a defensive position. She had crouched down, trying to catch his gaze. He had refused to oblige her.

_"Are you okay? I think your friends didn't expect you to storm out like that"  
"Whatever"  
"I don't think they realise how much Seifer meant to you...I know how you feel, if that helps"_  
_"...I don't care"_  
_"That's exactly what I thought you'd say. He told me about you, you know"_  
_"...how...?"_  
_"Why do you think I'm out here now? I think Seifer was important to the two of us. Like, really important"_

Rinoa snapped herself out of the memory. Seifer was looking at her almost intently. She almost smiled, but stopped herself. She'd always known that Squall was someone in Seifer's life that she couldn't compare with. She wasn't sure if that was rivalry, friendship, or more, but she was almost certain that the space in Seifer's heart was already taken, whether platonically or romantically. It made her want to laugh at how attentive Seifer seemed to be when Squall's name was mentioned. He probably didn't even notice he did it. He was still watching her. If she didn't know any better, she could have sworn there was a glint of interest in his eyes. She wanted to smile at this, but thought it would put off the attention that she finally had from him.

"Everyone went through a lot during the war. Although Squall and I didn't find romance with one another, we both held onto some...thing else. It was nice to have someone to share that with. I remember. When I was on the Ragnarok and I'd found out what I'd...become. Squall was there with me. He helped me through it. We did become close, which was how he became my knight I guess. It was a bond, but not one of romantic love. More...heheh. I don't really want to be cheesy and say sibling love, but I can't think of another comparison close enough. Without him, I would've died, and for that, I was thankful. He helped to fill the hole in my heart. Unfortunately, I don't think I could ever fill the one in his. I tried." She turned to him.

"And I will do all I can to protect him from this. And I want to help you too, even if you don't want my help" She wanted him to feel her sincerity. It was important to her. She hated the way things had turned out, and wanted to rectify that. She hoped that there wasn't any actual hate from Seifer, she didn't think she could bear that from someone she'd thought about so much during the Ultimecian War.

After a while of silence, she sighed, the temperature of the air having changed enough for it to make her breath mist.

"We're both very different people now. You've definitely changed. Everyone has noticed". Seifer gave a dry laugh.  
"I think working under the most dangerous force in history probably has something to do with it" Rinoa looked at him intently. She wasn't hurt, but surprised at his admission to his fear.

"Do you think I'm dangerous?"  
"I think all sorceresses are dangerous"  
"What about Edea?" He gave her a disbelieving look.  
"Edea was possessed. At that point, she was probably the most dangerous of them all. Now, she barely has enough magic to qualify as a sorceress. She gave most of it to you without even realising it. To the rest of the world, she is a sorceress no longer, and I think she appreciates that. I appreciate that."  
"You make it sound like you hate Sorceresses" Rinoa worked hard to keep the chiding tone out of her voice. Seifer shrugged.  
"There aren't even that many left. Edea took Ultimecia's powers, You took Edea's powers, and Adel's. At the moment, you are the only sorceress worth keeping an eye on. I'm surprised everyone is okay with you walking around to be honest" Seifer knew these words were painful, and once, Rinoa had been important to him. Now, he couldn't help it. Rinoa wasn't Ultimecia, but she was as well. She had Her powers, and he wanted to stay away from her, just in case Ultimecia was still capable of returning. If she did return, she would aim for both Rinoa and himself. She had a knight, so she didn't have too much to worry about. Himself however...

His words had been harsh, and were intended as much. He waited, and hoped that she would cry, would shout at him, would hate him and run away. To his surprise, she stood there, almost thoughtfully, as if she hadn't even heard him. That irritated him.  
"You're right...Edea took Ultimecia's power, and I took Edea's. There must be some way... " she nibbled her lip thoughtfully.  
"What are you saying?" Seifer wanted to end this conversation now. She grasped his arm.  
"I'm not Ultimecia, but I have her power. Maybe there's a way to replicate her essence?"  
"What are you talking about? One, you don't have all of her power, Edea still has some, and two, I don't trust you with Ultimecia's brand of magic. You should stay away from it" Rinoa stopped.  
"But...it might happen anyway. It happened to Edea, it will probably happen to me eventually. The magic won't be ignored" She gave a sad smile and stretched.  
"There's probably a nice space for me in the sorceress memorial somewhere" She said this so casually, that for a moment, Seifer was torn between his dislike of being near her, and his compassion towards her situation. He didn't like her, didn't like being near her, but that wasn't her fault. Seifer grabbed her by the shoulders.  
"Look, Ultimecia is not coming back, at least not to this timeline. Don't you think I would be the first to know? Edea would have died if she had given you all of her powers, it's what happened to all other sorceresses. Without their powers, they are unable to keep living. The fact that you only took most of them was enough to keep Edea alive. If Ultimecia's power isn't even in the same host, there is no way she can get it back. Leonhart came to save you the first time you tried to sacrifice yourself. Don't you dare cheapen that by giving up. Don't you make his efforts for you seem like a waste of time!"

Rinoa stopped. Under the confident air, she had heard the slight tone of desperation. Seifer needed Ultimecia to stay dead, even if it meant he would die as a result. To him, eternal servitude was far worse. Rinoa wasn't sure on whether to push the issue or not. It obviously affected Seifer a lot more than he let on. Plus, she wasn't sure if it was something that she could fix in her current state.  
"I just want us to go back to the way that we were before, and I will find a way to fix the problem, for both you and Squall. Maybe then, you can find a way to bear being near me. Maybe you'll realise that I'm on your side"  
"Matron was like a mother to me. Even she couldn't stop it. I doubt somehow you have that kind of willpower"  
"I have Squall. He is all the willpower I need. And he will never forgive me, and I will never forgive myself if I fail to help you" She said this with a tone of finality, leaving no room for argument. Not waiting for Seifer to answer, she left him to his own thoughts. After a few minutes, when he was sure that he wouldn't bump into her on the way back, Seifer decided to leave before everyone from the whole damn Garden decided to turn up to have a heart to heart. If it was that easy for Rinoa to find him, then he definitely needed a new hiding place.

* * *

Squall lay on his own bed, thinking through today's events. It was much easier to focus on the solution than to keep doing what he had been doing; namely, thinking through Seifer's memories. He had to constantly remember to keep focused, otherwise they would sneak up in him before he knew it. It started all so innocently. He could simply be thinking of little more than a simple memory of his own, and Seifer's memories found a way to link onto his own. The memories always ended badly when that happened. Luckily, Squall had been able to spare Seifer some of the more grotesque memories. Torture, slaughter, merciless destruction. All these actions that had killed thousands. Squall had ignored the memory that involved torture and himself. He refused to go near that memory, and he had managed to keep it at bay. For now. He had kept it, knowing that it was one that Seifer probably didn't want to recall at such a time, but Squall knew that it was constantly in the back of his head, just waiting. He had snatched a few hours of sleep, not daring to allow himself to fall into any kind of slumber that would invite the dark thoughts into his dreams. If he got desperate, he went with Shiva, to his world. She would allow him to sleep there, and would fight off the thoughts. Oddly, in this world, the memories took a physical presence. Not necessarily human, but it was real enough to shrink back from a well aimed Blizzaga attack.

However, sleep wasn't needed for the moment, so he spent the time analysing what they had so far, which to his chagrin, wasn't much. Edea was continuing to work on it, but he knew there was more than could be done about it, just...

He grimaced. He absolutely hated Dr. Odine. And he hated the fact that it was likely that visiting the Doctor was the next path. It would also be a conversation to have with Laguna. Squall scrunched up his face in annoyance. Laguna was also a problem, but not for the same reason. After the events of the war, he had found out a few truths, had to put up with some tears and hugs (all from Laguna) and deal with something that was quite a public mess. So far, things hadn't been too bad, and a lot had died down. It had all started with Esthar really. After they had opened themselves to the rest of the world, technologies had begun to flourish. What used to be occasional newsletters and reports, now became an influx of media conglomeration as radio, television, and live broadcasting began to thrive. It was always there, but since the events of the war, people found themselves wanting to keep up to date with the events with the rest of the world. Timber especially had seen a lot of attention after the live broadcast, and people were eager to continue such things. To Garden, such things were unimportant. They had always had such devices, as was needed. They found nothing amiss when Esthar was rediscovered. The rest of the world however. Squall could remember a few of the emissaries from Esthar attempting to introduce Dollet via Internal Networking.

The world was changing, and unfortunately, the world was over excited, and grabbed hold of what they could. Naturally, Gardens had become the focus of attention, especially Balamb garden. The fact that the Commander of Balamb Garden was the son of the President of Esthar, the two forces that stopped the Sorceress Ultimecia, was almost too much for the world. Endless reports and interviews. Some of the SeeDs had been interviewed. Selphie had been overeager to join, but Squall had nipped that in the bud right away. Garden business and contracts was their business, and he wasn't about to start letting SeeDs breach their privacy policies in their contracts. Squall did what was needed. He had stepped down as Commander, but not before removing the Garden far away from questioning eyes. Annoyingly, however, Cid had rejected Squall's self-demotion, and annoyingly continued to refer to him as Commander. Everyone did. Squall fought back against this, but still, any letters or deliveries that came to him were addressed to Commander Leonhart.

He had argued with Cid about it continuously, but Cid would always bring up the fact that he was Headmaster, and it was his final word. The thing that annoyed Squall the most however, was that he KNEW that Cid still sent orders that the Commander needed to verify to him. The pile had been getting pretty high, and then Cid had changed tactic. He started sending people. At first, Squall had tried to ignore them for the most part, but in the end, he found that the easiest way to get rid of them was to give them a decision. Squall remembered Cid's almost smug face during this year's SeeD ball, as he raised his glass to Squall.

Squall sighed, scowling slightly as he did so. He hated it when his thoughts went off on a tangent. Back to Laguna. He would have to deal with media whispers, but perhaps, if he was able to disguise the visit, make it slightly more official, then the attention would be drawn away from his damn personal life. Squall stopped for a moment. Before making any such decision, he had to be sure that there was absolutely nothing else that could be done.

He had already comprehended the possibility of recreating the power of Ultimecia, but he dismissed that almost instantly. Besides putting everyone in danger, it still needed a conscious host who was able to recognise the signature of the spell. He was sure that even if Ultimecia were alive, she would not divulge that information so readily, if at all. Seifer had been a powerful Knight. Without him, the Lunar Cry would not have remobilised, Galbadia Garden would not have become mobile. It was almost ironic how symmetrical a role to Squall Seifer had fit into. In fact, the only way Seifer had been defeated was the necessity of the three against one battles. Plus, Seifer had never used Ifrit. Squall hadn't felt good about fighting him when he was at such a disadvantage, but he had remembered then what Seifer had told him, back when they were both taking their SeeD exam.

_"You want to wreak some havoc too, don't you?"  
"It's a good opportunity to test out my training. Thanks to you, I feel like I can take on anyone. Even if they do fight dirty, like you"  
"You'll thank me when the time comes"_

Squall hadn't admitted it, but Seifer had been right. Sometimes, you just have to win. In the long run, it kept him alive and was more important to the world to win than to fight fairly. Of course, possessed Seifer hadn't agreed, calling him out on the three against one battle, which was one of many clues that Seifer hadn't been in his right mind. If only he could've removed the spell back then...  
Unpleasant images filled his head, which he quickly and firmly rejected. Negative thoughts were not going to help hold back the spell. Luckily for him, there was no spell signature, so the thoughts had no source in which to thrive, at least for now.

It had been odd to watch as Seifer slowly began to forget things under the possession. Even during his own torture, some of the questions that were asked were questions that he was sure Seifer knew the answers to as much as he did. Seifer knew what SeeD did. He was practically one in everything but name. The fact that they were supposed to hunt and kill sorceresses if needed was an "in case" clause. In fact, Squall was sure that he remembered Seifer joking that eventually SeeDs would be hired to take down important people, such as Presidents and Sorceresses. That had made Squall blanche slightly. His own father was a president, and although it was unlikely that anyone would have a problem with Esthar at the moment, later on, other people in power may start to think that Esthar was holding out on them. Could he accept a contract such as this? What if Balamb Garden wasn't given the opportunity. What if one of the other Gardens...

He sat up abruptly. It wasn't like him to worry. If the time came, he knew what he would do. Nothing else mattered. Stretching, he checked the time on his alarm, finally coming to a decision regarding the matter of Seifer. As long as it was done quietly and tactfully, and Seifer's name was kept out of it, he was sure that it would be okay.

21:06

Idly, he wondered if it was too late to contact Laguna. He didn't know the protocol for father-son acceptable contact times. Thinking about what was at stake, he decided that he'd try anyway. He'd have to go to the Ragnarok though. Squall stepped outside and started to walk along the corridor as his door closed with a hiss. He'd not taken his jacket, as he didn't feel the need, but had automatically taken Lion Heart. It was amusing how he would leave a jacket behind despite the winter months, but not a gunblade he was unlikely to need. Still, better to be prepared.

After Laguna had given Squall the Ragnarok, Cid had agreed to keep it on Garden with one condition. He knew that it was Squall's, so didn't have to use it for missions, but had requested that if there were a real emergency, Garden would be allowed to use it. Squall had agreed to this, and had chosen a few people who were trained in flying the airship. Selphie, Zell and Raijin were the people he'd chosen. Selphie had pestered him until he'd agreed, plus she'd already gained some experience with the ship during the Sorceress War. Zell he'd chosen because he was surprisingly technologically savvy. It had surprised people that Squall had chosen Raijin, but Squall had done it for one main reason.  
Raijin was someone who was loyal to both him and Seifer. He knew that after the Sorceress War, many people, even his own teammates, did not trust Seifer wholly. He had wanted someone who would never betray Seifer. Back then, he didn't know why Seifer would need the Ragnarok enough to be able to ask Raijin, and why he wouldn't be there to ask. It was a 'just in case'. It was always good to have diverse people trained.

Plus, Raijin was better at flying the airship than anyone else. He had shown Squall the many parts of the Ragnarok that were originally unknown to him. He had a natural finesse for the Ragnarok. Raijin would make a good instructor one day. These three guaranteed that Garden wouldn't be able to take advantage of Ragnarok, as many of the Gardens, even Balamb, knew the advanced technological capabilities of the ship, and Squall did not want that to fall into the wrong hands, even if it meant never using it for more than contacting Esthar and convenient travel.

It had been a pain to find a place for the Ragnarok to land in the Garden at first. Originally, he had always parked outside. However, that wouldn't work forever, as Balamb Garden was often moving. Eventually, the Quad area had been remodelled to accommodate it. It had helped that the Garden had still been in disarray from the war. They just decided to keep some of the ceiling open, so that the Ragnarok could exit. Squall had been reluctant to have it so close to the same area as cars that students often borrowed for the weekend, but also acknowledged that anyone attempting to steal it from outside Garden would have to go through all SeeD and Faculty members. Anyone attempting to steal it from the inside would have to go through him. It seemed to work, Ragnarok was always there, as pristine as always.

He reached the Ragnarok and spoke the password, pressing his hand to the sensor. The gangway lowered as the door slid open, recognising his handprint. So far, only he was able to enter it. Some would call that arrogant. He called it being careful enough to be one step ahead of everyone else. Besides, Laguna could open it as well, having the override codes to it. Squall looked around. He had not been here since his last training exercise. He didn't allow it to be used for normal SeeD missions, as he didn't want SeeDs to get lazy. Travelling to a destination and remaining vigilant was one of the best ways for a young SeeD to learn. It was because of this, that such long stretches of time could pass before it was even used. Reaching the cockpit, he began a transmission between Esthar and the Ragnarok. Squall knew he could have done the same thing in his room had he needed to, but wanted to maintain an official and professional approach to Esthar. Plus, the less anyone knew about the current circumstances of the Ex-Knight of Ultimecia, the better. Seifer wasn't exactly...popular with many people. Neither was Edea, but at least Odine had confirmed that she was no longer a sorceress. People were unsure about Seifer, and his future motives. He was still as strong and powerful as he was before.

"This is Esthar One. How can we help, Laguna Six?" Squall was confused for a moment. Laguna Six?  
"This is Ragnarok. Requesting permission to talk with the President"  
"Apologies Ragnarok. Old ship nickname. Requesting identity?"  
"Squall Leonhart, SeeD rank A."  
"Putting you through now, Commander"  
Squall growled to himself. How convenient of Cid to forget to inform everyone that he was no longer Commander. He knew that Cid secretly hoped that he would change his mind. Squall adamantly argued his point though; his role as Commander was not needed in a time of peace. Plus, his title had only been given though extreme circumstances. He had only been a Seed for just over a year.  
"Squall?"  
"Laguna. I hope I didn't disturb you at this time of night" Laguna laughed.  
"Squall, if you contacted me at three in the morning asking for ice cream, I wouldn't mind. You're my son"  
"And not a pregnant woman, so you don't have to worry about the late night cravings" Squall couldn't resist a small smile at this as he replied. It had taken time, but the two of them had developed a relationship that was almost like a normal father and son... if fathers were presidents and sons were mercenaries.  
"So, was there something I could help you with, or did you just want to chat?" _  
_"It's a pretty long story"  
"That's okay, I'm in my comfies" Squall raised an eyebrow, but began to explain the issue.

* * *

Seifer stirred at the buzzer on his door sounded. He ignored it and continued to sleep. It sounded again.  
"Go away!" he spoke into the pillow blearily. The buzzer sounded a third time.  
"For the f'ing love of Hyne...if that's Rinoa I'm gonna kill her!" He used his arms to push himself up from the bed, almost unbalancing himself in the process. The cold outside of his blanket only served to darken his mood. He punched the open button as he ran a hand across his chin, feeling the stubble. He needed a shave. he momentarily considered actually putting on some clothes as he watched the door open, but figured that the person who woke him up deserved a shock.  
The door opened to a familiar brunette, who did little more than glance at Seifer's apparent lack of modesty.  
"What would you have done if Quistis was at the door? You know you're late for her class, like I knew you would be" Squall asked blandly as he stepped past Seifer into the room.  
"Then I could show her what it's like to be the student for a change. I'm sure I could teach her a few new things" Squall rolled his eyes at Seifer's self satisfied smirk.  
"How about you put on some clothes, then we take a trip?" Seifer gave Squall a quizzical look, but proceeded into the bathroom. Squall sat down as he heard the shower start up.

"So, where are we going?" Seifer called, the open door of the bathroom making it easy for Squall to hear him.  
"Esthar. It has things that are a lot more useful to us than just being here"  
"Hmm, and I have to come along why?"  
"Because I said so"  
"I'm a little busy today Leonhart. You know, SeeD exam preparation, classes, preparing for my tragic and untimely death"  
"You didn't seem to be doing much when I buzzed"  
"It's called sleep. It's a thing that humans like me need o' creature from another planet" The water stopped running. Seifer stepped out, looking for a towel. Squall shook his head at his friend's lack of modesty, but let it be. Seifer found a towel, and began to furiously towel dry his hair.  
"Wait, Esthar? Does that mean you have a lead?"  
"You make it sound like we're hunting down someone" Squall lay back on the bed. Although he didn't want to admit it, he was still exhausted. And Seifer's bed had a scent of familiar, reminding him of when they were younger at the Orphanage.  
"Well, we are. Someone to fix this problem. I fear for my safety if Rinoa is my only hope"  
Squall said nothing. Just lay there.  
"Oi, don't get too comfy. I thought we had places to be."  
"...do" Squall murmured.  
"Huh?"

Seifer stopped for a moment. Squall had fallen asleep. Seifer smiled.  
"You should've slept a little. Well, I guess we won't be leaving any time soon. Gives me time for breakfast"

* * *

When Squall opened his eyes again, Seifer was dressed, packed and had Hyperion slung over his shoulder. He met Squall's gaze.  
"Looks like someone didn't get any beauty sleep last night. Need me to carry you to the ship?" Squall ignored Seifer's taunt, his eyes full of nothing but mischief. Squall didn't like that look. That usually meant that something was going to happen that he didn't like. Squall sat up quickly, causing Seifer to laugh. Squall strode past the blond, who followed behind.  
"So Leonhart, how long are we going for? Are we visiting daddy? I'm sure he has someone working under him who can poke and prod us for years. Imagine the joy" Seifer drowned his words in sarcasm. Squall understood. Dr. Odine wasn't the most humane of people, and Seifer didn't like feeling vulnerable. Seifer liked to hide vulnerability behind his sarcasm. A difficult thing to get used to, but once he had, it was easy to see through Seifer.  
"Edea has explained things to Cid. We will be escorting her to her next destination of Esthar"  
"Convenient"  
"Rinoa will be coming along"  
"Oh goodie"  
"We will stay with Edea until she has decided that she wishes to return. As we may be away for an extended period, you will miss your SeeD field exam. Therefore, Cid has given special permission for you to take this test with an alternate Garden."  
"I love it when you go all official. You really come out of your shell and speak to the people. Is there anyone else joining us on this 'mission'?"  
Squall shook his head. Obviously the brunet didn't want to talk about it until they were away from anyone who could overhear them. Not that light banter would be considered conversation. Just their way of returning to the norm after their last battle. Squall wasn't sure if the effects of their battle had fully worn off with Seifer. He was being surprisingly cooperative...  
Upon reaching the ship, Seifer saw both Edea and Rinoa waiting outside.  
"Sorry we're late. Squally-boy needed a power nap" He thumbed in Squall's direction. Squall scowled as Rinoa and Edea began to fuss over his lack of sleep, and whether the tiredness was anything to do with the spell. Seifer sauntered past the grumpy teen. Squall's eyes widened when Seifer was granted access.  
"How..?" Seifer smirked.  
"I have many hidden talents Leonhart" Squall shook his head in exasperation. He should have known better. Seifer had always found ways to gain access to places he wasn't supposed to be, even back at the orphanage. What had been a barred and locked door to others was simply a challenge to Seifer. Squall wondered whether it was worth changing the password system or just leaving it. It wasn't like he didn't trust Seifer. Sighing, he waited for Rinoa and Edea to step onto the ship, before making his own way on.

It was an easy enough trip, so he set it to auto pilot. He sat in the pilot seat, just to keep an eye on things. Rinoa was susceptible to motion sickness, so she found it easier to lie down in the passenger's quarters. What had felt fine to her in space was different once on the planet once more. Edea was keeping her company, and trying to keep her mind off of the trip. Luckily, these trips never took long in the Ragnarok. Squall was thankful. After the events of last year, he never wanted to see another train again. That was his own selfish reward. A convenient means of travel.

And the pilot seat wasn't a bad place to doze either. Squall shook his head roughly and rejected that thought. The ship was good, but it was important to have someone on standby.  
"Go ahead Squally, you look exhausted" A large form sat next to him in the co pilot seat. Squall scoffed.  
"Like you know how to drive this"  
"Well, I bet that big button there is the stop button, so I'll just press that. It'll be fine"

"What?"  
"...That fires the homing missiles" Seifer laughed.  
"Well, if it looks like we're gonna crash into any mountains, at least I know how to shoot them outta the way" Squall put his head in his hand.  
"It won't be too long until we're there, then I can sleep"  
"Suit yourself, just don't overdo it. You pushing yourself will only speed up the effects you know"  
"Thanks for the advice Raijin"  
"Did you honestly just compare me to Raijin? Seriously Leonhart?"  
"Seifer...don't start. I am not fighting on the ship!"  
"You don't have to fight. I'm more than fine with you running away"  
"Fuck you..."  
"What was that Squally boy? Now that was a pathetic attempt at swearing. You've gotta put more force into it. Actually, you should definitely do it more often, looks like you seriously need the practice"  
"We are NOT fighting here"  
"Ah ah. A good SeeD should be able to defend from attacks anywhere. Especially the Commander"  
"Fuck you Seifer!"  
"There we go. That's more like it"

* * *

Needless to say, their bickering had continued for quite a while. In fact, they were both so engrossed, they hadn't noticed Edea return to their side, until she began scolding them for such bad behaviour. She was still chastising them as they stepped off of the Ragnarok. Squall was grumpy at being dragged down to Seifer's level, and Seifer was gleefully abashed. Not the professional look the Estharian guards were expecting to see from the landing party. Squall knew how this looked, and this was, once again, why he shouldn't have the title of Commander. He could handle things as needed, but who said that he wanted to. He was still eighteen, and although he could never consider that an excuse, he didn't like the idea of being in such a strenuous role, where he would have to be straight faced and emotionless. Despite popular belief, he was not a robot, and Shiva was offended that people considered her emotionless enough to compare Squall with her countenance. Maybe that's why he needed Seifer in his life. What at first had annoyed him, he had learned to rely on heavily. Seifer knew he had a personality, knew that his callous attitude was due to his own deep thoughts, rather than distaste of the person. He thought. a lot. That was pretty much it. Well, that and his aversion to responsibility. Why did he have to be the one to do everything anyway? It was a selfish view, but one that he felt he was entitled to have. There were many elite SeeDs, instructors, and higher ups in Garden. Maybe one day, he would feel better for the role, but for now, he was wearing shoes he felt were too big for him.

As they made their way to the greeting group, Squall was surprised that it was Laguna that was there to greet them. Unfortunately, someone else less welcome, but very useful, had chosen to tag along. Squall straightened, maintaining a stoic persona that would hopefully chase away any unwanted questions from the present Doctor. It was a miniscule moment, but Seifer, who was by his side, felt the shift. He understood, but could not do anything to reassure his friend. It was a fear that they both shared. What if during the examinations, Odine happened to uncover Shiva and Ifrit? At the very least, there would probably be some sort of quarantine. Luckily, during their last meeting, there had been no need for Odine to perform any sort of medical procedures on them, where he might have accidently found what they had been hiding. This time however, they were willingly walking into the lair, in the hopes that they could gain answers while hiding their secrets behind their back.

Laguna stepped forward, smiling, and smothered Squall in a hug. Seifer stifled a laugh. There were few people capable of doing that to their dear ex commander, and it was priceless to watch each time. Squall pulled away with as much dignity he could muster, not minding the hug, but knowing that it would be unlikely to stop if he didn't pull away.  
"Welcome everyone. Ah, Mrs Kramer. I trust that your trip was a swift one" Edea blushed, not out of embarrassment, but surprise. She had been called Edea, Matron, or Sorceress Edea, but never by her married name.  
"I hope we find you well President" she said warmly as she took his hand in hers and shook it delicately.  
"Ah, welcome back Rinoa. I hope things are well with you" Rinoa smiled at the older man. She had always liked Laguna and he always sang his praises of her mother's wonderful singing voice. She had been pleasantly surprised to find that Laguna had tales of her mother that she had never heard of, and it was wonderful to able to recount them with Laguna.

Seifer didn't expect a greeting from the man whose city he had up-heaved with the Lunatic Pandora, so was surprised when the president of Esthar greeted him just as warmly as the others. Laguna must have seen the dumbstruck expression on Seifer's face, as he smiled in understanding and moved back to Squall, talking quickly and asking many questions. Seifer followed behind, but struggled on whether to put a great distance between himself and Odine, or to save Edea, who was currently being interrogated by Odine. Apparently, it was amazing that Edea wasn't actually dead, as she had passed on her powers, and broken out of Ultimecia's spell. No one but Seifer knew that he had used the last of his will during the battle with Edea in Galbadia Garden to push Ultimecia away. As Ultimecia had been busy fighting Squall and the others, Seifer had had enough of hearing his adoptive mother's anguish, and had used what little free will he had left. It hurt to hear Edea cry in anguish, and it was agony to not be able to reach her, to reassure her. Ultimecia would never allow it. Moral support may have broken the power she had over them, so it was necessary to keep them apart. However, Ultimecia couldn't concentrate on the two of them, and the group of SeeDs during battle, and it had been enough. The first time it had happened, during the parade, he still had more freedom, but had underestimated her power over them. he could have ended it then, but was too assured of his victory. She had punished him for that. Greatly. Both him and Squall suffered for that mistake. The second time, he had been good, maintained a false loyalty. he had built this up, knowing that he had one try. He couldn't tell Squall, couldn't ruin the chance. At that moment, the moment of Ultimecia's momentary defeat, he had power over himself. Power that she had foolishly given him for this one moment. He could have gotten away himself, could have freed himself at that moment. He had chosen Edea. She was too weak to save herself. It had taken a lot of concentration, but he had managed to kick Ultimecia out of Edea, whilst maintaining the thread of magic that would keep Edea alive. Just enough sorceress magic to maintain her life. Edea hadn't understood how it had happened, and Seifer wanted to keep it that way. Unfortunately, Seifer hadn't realised the significance of removing Ultimecia's powers from Edea. Ultimecia had grabbed the first female host that was available, which ended up being Rinoa. Afterwards, Ultimecia had punished him. he had been wrapped in her powers, surrounded by her will, and he remembered nothing more. Well, he remembered what she wanted him to, which was all the horrific things she knew would hurt him. Even then, she was building him a tower of sins, which piled higher and higher. Each time, she made sure he watched. It didn't affect him, but it would, in time. If she felt particularly merciless. A taste of what was to come if he didn't protect her as a knight should. Of course, back then Seifer could constantly hear her voice in his head...

"Vell Sorceress Edea, has anything changed vith your powers recently? I vould love to do some experiments on your magical capabilities to judge your magical potential"

Something snapped in Seifer at that moment. Another trying to control what Edea was, for their own needs.  
"Back off Doctor Psycho. We are here for your help, not for you to rip into Edea" Seifer's voice was low, threatening almost. His reputation for speaking out of turn preceding him. Oddly enough, Odine just stared at him in a sudden keen interest, making him regret his words.

"Ooooooh, so thiz iz ze one vith ze spell problemz. Interesting."  
"Doctor" Laguna chided gently. Odine held his arms up in surrender.  
"I underztand"

"Well, it's a bit late for breakfast, but can I interest anyone in brunch?"  
"Laguna, what did I say about wandering off alone?"

Laguna turned and upon seeing the new arrivals, hid behind Squall.  
"Squall, hide me! They've found me"  
Squall raised an eyebrow as Ward reached around and dragged Laguna out from his hiding place, patting Squall on the shoulder as he did so. Kiros stepped towards Squall and gave a brief salute of respect.  
"Commander"  
Squall returned the salute "Ex-Commander"  
Kiros looked at him, a tinge of surprise on his features.  
"This must be very sudden. I spoke with headmaster Kramer this morning, who informed me that the Commander would be escorting the two sorceresses"  
"Looks like Cid hadn't accepted your resignation as much as you have Leonhart" Seifer stepped forward, still in the mood to antagonise, to take his sudden bad mood out on someone. Kiros' eyes flickered to Seifer.  
"Seifer Almasy. Or would you prefer Sorceress Knight" Rinoa cringed at the hostile tone. Seifer smirked. Perfect.  
"I don't give a damn to be honest. Which one scares the fuck out of you more?"  
There was silence for a moment, and then Kiros started laughing. The tension in the air dropped. Seifer stood there for a moment, slightly confused at the change.  
"Just checking. Just checking. I would hate for the man that Esthar feared, to be a meek lapdog of Balamb Garden" Kiros flashed a smile at Seifer, all previous animosity gone. Supposedly. Seifer returned the smile, but wasn't sure at the gleam in Kiros' eyes. It was definitely something to keep you on your toes. Well, he wasn't about to be intimidated. Seifer gave a mock bow.

"Anytime you need a personal _demonstration,_ I would be happy to oblige you. I'm sure I could fit it in between my world domination plans" He looked up at Kiros, letting the smirk slide onto his face like a well worn glove. He had many different smirks. This one however, he recalled from his time as a Knight of Ultimecia, saved for the more threatening of people. Ifrit gladly lent his own demonic smile to the effect. All in all, it was quite terrifying.  
Seeing Squall's exasperated, and slightly surprised expression made him stand once more. He returned to Edea and let Squall take point once again.  
Seifer was learning. He wasn't going to be taken lightly, but he also wasn't going to bring any more trouble to this mission than he thought was needed. Squall went to the effort to make this a seamless mission after all. It was a tough balance.

But Seifer was learning.

* * *

After brunch, they were shown around Esthar. It was a city that even Squall could easily get lost in. They spent the day recounting old adventures, and Laguna retold the tale of his battle against the ruby Dragon.

Eventually, night had fallen and they had retired to their own rooms. Predictably, he had guards stationed outside his door. An understandable caution, but did they really think that if he was still the Sorceress Knight he wouldn't have tried something by now? He wanted to be back at Balamb, not sitting here in his little prison waiting to be seen. He stretched out on the bed. He had asked Ifrit to check on Shiva, but she was in slumber, which meant that her little owner would also be. Squall had been really tired recently, for understandable reasons. Luckily, Rinoa was still working with Squall, so although she couldn't remove the memories, she prevented them from creating their own signature spell like his. Grudgingly, he could admit that she was being somewhat useful.

There was a knock at the door. He opened an eye. He hadn't long said goodbye to the rest of the group. Laguna had suggested that they might want to rest, and Seifer, seeing Squall's need for sleep, but his tendency to deny it, agreed wholeheartedly with Laguna. That had been a few hours ago, and Seifer was bored. He had just about decided that he was going to look for something to do, outside of these four walls, when the knock had come. Without waiting for a reply, the door opened. Seifer sat up, wanting to appear relaxed, but preparing for any sort of aggression. Seifer stiffened slightly as the small man shuffled in, followed by lab technicians, and armed guards. Seifer considered his odds against them, a SeeD habit that was inbuilt, and very hard to shake. Always analyse, always find weakness. Sense the ones that radiated fear. It was a simple habit, and one that had saved his life many times, from the most unexpected of enemies.  
"What the hell do you want?" Seifer stopped just short of snarling. This guy could well be their only hope.  
"Time for ze tezting to begin"  
"Testing? Now? That was quick"  
"I am interezted in zis zpell. No timez to wazte. Come"  
"What about the others?"  
"Zhey are not needed. Come"  
Seifer was on high alert, but decided to play along with the doctor. For now. After all, why else have they come here, but to ask for help.  
Seifer was led along a passageway, which stretched out before him. The hallway began to resemble something out of a scientific horror. Seifer had never been comfortable in labs or medical areas. Kadowaki didn't count. It was always so welcoming, much more like a nurse's office than a hospital setting. This made his skin crawl, and he had to catch himself a few times from asking the Doctor pointless questions. Seifer had to be very careful here. Any sort of emotion left to run wild would inadvertently call Ifrit to his aid, and he really didn't want to reveal his secret while growling at the scientific staff. He had to keep his emotions under control, but right now, with no one else around, he was feeling scared. And Ifrit could feel that, and was angered by the thing that caused him to be scared. Seifer took solace in Ifrit's anger as long as he could, knowing that he couldn't maintain this connection once the testing began. It was too dangerous, and what if he reached out for Squall? It would bring them both into danger. He also knew that if things got too bad, Ifrit would do it anyway. It was hard to keep a rein on the beast that had always been there to protect him, but for some reason, Ifrit didn't seem to see the danger in being discovered. He was confident that the humans could do nothing. Seifer was not as assured of this.

* * *

The testing began. The Doctor was very thorough. It had started easy, with basic medical checks. it got worse. Seifer hated every humiliating moment of it, but every time he felt like allowing Ifrit control, he would remember who he was doing this for, and it made it easier to grit his teeth. Doctor Odine did everything. Endurance tests, stamina tests, sexual tests, medical health tests, magic capability tests, GF tests. By the end of it all, Seifer was sure that there was no crevice left unexplored. He was sweating with the effort of keeping his temper, his fear, his rage in check. Instinct was very dangerous at the moment. Fight or flight was what Ifrit understood best.  
And for some reason, Odine still looked perplexed.  
"Interezting. No knight haz ever outlived hiz mizztrezz. You are zure you are not junctioned?" Seifer nodded grudgingly, tiredly. He was exhausted, but would not admit defeat. The sooner it was all done, the sooner it could stop.  
"Hmm, your ztats are remarkably high...time for resiztance tezt"  
Seifer had a bad feeling about being placed in the chamber, especially when no one followed him in. He took a moment to lean against the glass for support. What in the hell was the resistance test? Odine leaned in close to the glass thoughtfully.  
"And you are not junctioned, correct?" Seifer glared back at him, then his attention flickered towards the ceiling, as a metal and wire monstrosity was lowered down. It aimed at him. It looked like a gatling gun. Seifer stilled.  
"Firzt, we zhall start vive vind" At Odine's word, the device began to hum. Seifer backed off warily, but the nozzle followed him where he moved. He had mere moments to dodge before a blast of air sprayed out. Odine looked irritated.  
"Pleaze do not dodge" he tapped on the glass. Seifer aimed a kick at where Odine's face would be if there wasn't a wall of glass in the way. Unfortunately, Seifer had been distracted enough to become hit by the nozzle behind him. The force of it almost knocked him flat on his back.  
"What the actual fu-!"  
"Now Vater" Seifer looked at him incredulously. Surely he wasn't...this bastard was actually crazy. As the water drenched him, he knelt down to take the blow. Cold, Pain. Hyne he hated water. Squall had always been fascinated by it, staring out at the ocean for hours, always the first one to go swimming. He couldn't get farther away from it if he tried.  
Ifrit roared in barely suppressed pain. Seifer was symbiotic with him; he was hurting from the attack, almost forgetting how important it was for Ifrit to remain passive...  
"Hmm, he doez not like ze vater at all it seems...try lightning!"  
"What!?" Seifer barely had time to shout at the Doctor before the jolt came. His body arched as if trying to escape from the charge. Ifrit was demanding blood, fuelling Seifer's own blood, no longer respecting his master's wish of eluding the Doctor. Seifer gingerly tested his hand, his ears buzzing. He blearily saw Odine say something, but he could not hear, could only guess what else was going to appear from the death ray.  
"Hmm, dizlikes vater. Nezt iz ize"  
Ifrit was too far out now, too close to his surface emotions. What happened next was disastrous. He himself screamed with pain, having no protection from the ice. He had never fought the elements unjunctioned, never fought Squall without Ifrit as his shield. It was an excruciating madness. His fatal weakness. This could possibly kill him. Seifer saw the irony in coming here to find a cure, only to die anyway. He attempted a laugh, but all that he heard was a guttural choking noise.  
He wasn't even aware of his own limbs. He wasn't aware of anything much. When his eyes finally opened again, it was in shock to a loud banging sound. Squall stood there. He looked like he was out of breath, but his eyes were steely.  
"Get the hell away from him. Now"  
Odine turned to the intruder in annoyance.  
"I am afraid not. Ve have not completed ze teztz"  
"Turn that off!"  
"I muzt azk you to leave"  
Squall looked towards the machine. His eyes were a vivid blue. Not a good sign. The machine began to rattle. One of the scientists looked at the monitor in alarm.  
"Doctor! The Ice is...somehow blocking the nozzle..!"  
"Impozzible. We have tezted thiz extensively. Uze fire"  
No. No no no no! Not right now. Ifrit was too in control, don't use fire! Not so close to Squall!  
As a flicker of light appeared at the nozzle, it caught Seifer's eye, and before he could even pull off a pretence of pain, the fire hit him. Seifer was so relieved at the respite, that he did little more than curl up, absorbing the warmth, the heat, the soothing tongues of fire. It hit him too late how dangerous this was. How much it was revealing. He was unsure of whether it was himself of Ifrit that was purring; a deep rumbling contentment. The feeling was so good...

"How..could ziz be?"  
Seifer looked to Squall, realised all too late that he had made a grievous mistake. Squall shuddered suddenly, unable to control a slight shaking.  
Seifer willed Ifrit to speak to Shiva, to tell her to stop. Stop reacting. Stop reaching out. This was dangerous. Ifrit however, was in a rampage of fury and the need to be close to Shiva. Seifer clenched his hands into fists at the torrent of desire and furious rage that flowed through him. He could barely control it. Why is it that whenever the two of them are together, it always threatened to turn from battle into...  
Seifer slammed his fist into the glass, the feelings that were no longer his, but were at the same time, threatening to take away his control.  
"Hyne..." he barely managed to growl out. The team, fearing for what might happen, had edged their way out of the door. Odine, oddly, was not fearing for his life. He looked at the two of them in interest.  
"I vonder...how did you know he vould be in here?" He directed the question at Squall, who was struggling to resist reacting to Ifrit's..suggestion. He stood there, slightly shaking. The air around him was chilled. Only the more observant of people would notice the tightened fists, the indents left on his palms from his nails.

Odine considered the two of them for the moment, and the affects they seemed to have towards one another, which by this point, was obvious to the naked eye. He pressed a few buttons. The door opened.  
"Go ahead. Help your friend out of ze chamber"  
Squall stepped towards the opening of the container. Seifer was on his knees, his knuckles bloody. He continued to punch the wall. What Squall had mistaken for a need to escape was actually a resistance against Ifrit. Squall tried to reach down, to help Seifer up. He was pushed away.  
"Leonhart. Get the fuck out. I..." He gasped, unable to finish his sentence.  
Squall flinched. Shiva was not making this easy. He closed his eyes, trying to keep her calm...  
"Fuck Leonhart, move! Trust me, it's not safe"  
Squall was hit with a new wave. He stood precariously, before sliding to the floor of the container, his stoic countenance a past memory. He couldn't concentrate. Shiva wouldn't let him. Seifer took a pained moment to notice the intense blue gaze, furrowed in what looked like pain.  
"Seifer..."  
Seifer knew better. The tone did not suggest pain. Not at all. They had never been in a situation before where both summons feared for the other, to push past their hosts, to take control, and then to be unable to reel that control back in the face of other desires..  
His own blood was boiling for it. All he needed was to let go...  
_No! Keep yourself under control! _He projected furiously to Ifrit. All that came back were compromising images that did not help his will power.  
_So, a little bit of pain and panic and the two of you can't control yourselves for two damn minutes?!  
_Odine tapped the button that locked the containment. Both of the boys , in their current state, were incapable of even reacting fast enough.  
Seifer looked up hazily, saw Squall still on the floor, head in his arms, shaking. Seifer shoved his shoulder against the glass. Moments later, he landed on the floor heavily.  
"I am afraid that zi glazz iz too ztrong. It iz made to keep ze zorcerezzez locked away. You vill not be able to break it."  
Squall was unable to answer, so Seifer, after having lifted himself up, leant slightly against the glass closest to the Doctor.  
"Seriously...let him out. I don't give a damn about me, but you can't keep us both in here" Seifer ground out. Odine didn't answer.  
"I will let you do as many of your twisted, dark, sick experiments on me as you need. Just. Let. Him. Out...Hyne" Seifer dragged his nails down the side of the glass. Any distraction. Any at all.  
"It iz juzt for tonight. Don't worry. Tomorrow, you zhall be zet free. I vill do nothing to you. I juzt want to zee vhy you zeem to react to one another in zuch an...interesting manner-"  
Odine froze as a trilling sound rang from his pocket. He took the device out from his pocket and looked at it.  
"Unfortunately, I vill have to leave you for a little vhile. There are other teztz to be monitored. Don't vorry, I zhall be back in a couple of hourz" Ignoring the strangled shout of what he called "the blond one", he stepped through the lab doors. They closed with a hiss, leaving the two of them behind.

It was after a few moments that Seifer dared to look at Squall, who was shaking violently, head still in his arms, which were wrapped around his knees. Usually, when they got to this stage, they would fight it out with gunblades. It had happened before, and they'd always handled it. But here, with no weapons, no real magic apart from the magic which would only fuel the effects they were suffering...

Seifer could hear the bold suggestions from Ifrit. To a beast such as him, battle and mating were the same thing. They were both a fight for dominance, both a release from pent up feelings. Feelings that Seifer had had for too long.

What the hell was he supposed to do?


End file.
